


My Brain Is A Toddler

by luvkaykay41



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst?, Baristas, Brain Surgery, Coffee Shops, F/F, Hospitals, Human Gems (Steven Universe), Jasper is not a jerk, Really Minimal Jasper/Lapis, Surfing, Surgeons, boxing? - Freeform, slow burn?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23504917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvkaykay41/pseuds/luvkaykay41
Summary: Peridot is a well-established neurosurgeon at a hospital in California with a caffeine addiction. Lapis is a surfer and brand new barista at Peridot's favorite cafe. This story and the chapters are all named after Sidney Gish lyrics. Tags and ratings could change if I continue to write this, there are slight Lapis/Jasper elements but its still a lapidot story I'm bad at summaries, Enjoy!
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 91
Kudos: 119





	1. I Don't Wear A Watch Or Rolex

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you like this and want to see more!

The alarm is incessant and loud in Dr. Peridot Greene’s ears. The time is now 5:22 a.m., Peridot has hit snooze far too many times this morning. She has a scheduled surgery at 7 that cannot wait. She pulls herself out of bed and gets ready. She packs her work bag with extra shoes, socks, a change of scrubs, and her favorite dark green scrub cap with patterned evergreens on it. Sometimes emergencies happen, and blood ends up in places it shouldn’t. (hence the extra clothes) She dresses in her dark blue scrubs and quickly shoves some pens in her pockets, she seems to always lose them throughout the day. Peridot still has time to get some much-needed caffeine for the day. 

She starts up her Chevrolet Corvette Stingray and revs the engine, ‘ah, that feels good,’ Peridot thinks to herself as she shifts to reverse. Some people flaunt their wealth with fashion or art, but she doesn’t care about either of those things. Peridot is a car lover, she never liked to flex, but she didn’t spend 10 years in medical school and training to _not_ flex. She backs out of the driveway of her Californian multi-million dollar home and heads to her favorite coffee shop; The Crystal Cafe. 

She opens the door and inhales deeply, smelling the freshly brewed coffee. The bell on the door rings as she enters, she takes a moment to look over the menu before stepping in line, she waits for a few moments checking her pager, hoping all is well with her patients before looking up again. That’s when she sees her, she dances behind the counter swiftly wiping the milk frother as she pours another latte, handing it to a customer. She quickly goes to the toaster and slides a breakfast sandwich in while also taking one out in one fluid motion, her dark brown hair flows like water as she moves, although it’s short, there is still enough there to style if she so desired. she turns and looks at Peridot with bright blue eyes. A smile adorns her previously focused face, their eyes meet. Lapis is frozen for a moment before speaking, “I’ll be right with you!” her voice is bright and clear. Peridot is speechless, so she nods in her voice’s place.

——————————————————————————————————————————

Lapis Lazuli is newly moved into California, she lives in a small run-down apartment that smells like cigarettes and has terrible looking wallpaper. She works many jobs to make ends meet in The Golden State, but she doesn’t care. She’s living her dream of having warm weather and the ability to go to the beach whenever she desires. She was always drawn to the ocean, no matter what she did or where she went, something always drew her out there. 

Today is her third day at the coffee shop, she just picked this job up for some extra spending cash. It’s Monday, she spent the weekend perfecting the use of the espresso machine, today she is really getting the hang of it as the morning rush flows in, she pours lattes, mixes drinks, blends frappes, and toasts sandwiches like nobody’s business. There’s a short pause in the rush when Lapis sees her. 

She is professional and stoic, someone who knows what they want and how to get it, but also polite and beautiful, her dark blue scrubs bring her brightly colored green eyes to attention, she seems to also be of importance, she watches a pager like a hawk, she must be employed at the hospital down the street. Her hair is short and neatly styled out of her face. Lapis looks at the keys that hang from Peridot’s middle finger. Wealthy too, Lapis raises her eyebrows at that. Her imagination takes over before she realizes she’s at work. 

Lapis smiles, “I’ll be right with you,” Lapis almost has to force the words out for she is speechless. Lapis finishes her previous task making her way to the register. “What can I get for ya!” Lapis says trying to be friendly, Peridot half-smiles before speaking.

“I’ll have a tall double shot flat white, please,” Peridot requests the drink by name since this girl is clearly new. Her voice is smooth like butter, it gives Lapis goosebumps.

“Sure I’ll get that going for you now, is there anything else you’d like?” Lapis asks before hitting the total button on the register, Peridot hesitates, she should eat something.

“Go ahead and add a blueberry muffin to that,” Peridot asks, not the healthiest thing in the world, but it’s better than nothing. Lapis nods hitting a button then looking back up expectantly, “That will be it,” Peridot says reaching into her pocket and fishing out her wallet, pulling a 20 out.

“That will be $7.99, can I have a name for the order?” Lapis asks, opening the register. Peridot hesitates before giving a simple answer.

“Peridot,” she says, handing Lapis the 20. Lapis trades it for a ten, two ones and a penny. She goes to hand the change back to Peridot but Peridot shakes her head and winks. “You keep that,” Peridot says smiling and slipping her wallet back in her pocket. She speaks slow and smooth.

“Thank you,” Lapis blushes and drops the money in the cafe’s colorful tip jar.

“Can I ask for your name?” Peridot asks quickly before stepping aside, the blue-eyed girl smiles looking away.

“Lapis,” she answers Peridot’s question plainly and comfortably, before turning to start on Peridot’s order. Peridot waits quietly among the bustling cafe watching her pager, spinning her keychain around her finger when she looks up again to watch this Lapis girl work. She dances among the machines and blenders before a cup and paper bag is set upon the counter. She rings the bell twice,

“Order for Peridot!” She speaks loud and clear. She looks Peridot up and down flirtatiously biting her lip and winking. Peridot can feel heat rise into her cheeks as she grabs the bag and drink. She walks away quickly, getting back into her car and driving off.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

“Good morning Dr. Greene, Dr. Quartz has put me in your service today!” The newest surgical intern; Pearl Miller, greets Peridot brightly as she enters the locker room, she is pale and has short strawberry blonde hair in a pixie cut. Her nose is slender and long, pointed outwards, she wears light blue scrubs and always seems to have a smile on her face. Dr. Steven Quartz is chief of surgery here at Gemstone Coast Hospital.

“Good morning Dr. Miller, you’ll have your hands full then.” Peridot gives a neutral greeting before locking her things up and scarfing down her muffin. This is Pearl’s first week in neurosurgery. She admires Peridot for her knowledge, although she can be quite arrogant. Pearl has a bright mind, Peridot hopes she can mold it to take her place one day. “Please make sure the patient is prepared for surgery, I have to look over these scans one more time before we scrub in,” Peridot says to Pearl while sipping her coffee. It tastes different somehow, better. Pearl nods, walking away quickly. Peridot goes to the front desk where the Cardio surgeon, Garnet Wilson sits. Peridot punches in, “Good morning Dr. Wilson,” Peridot greets her colleague with much respect. Peridot aspires to be like her. 

“Ah, good morning Dr. Greene, today’s a good day for surgery wouldn’t you say?” Garnet says looking up from her paperwork.

“Indeed it is, I’ll be seeing you around,” Peridot says glancing up at the clock, surprised by the time, surgery is scheduled in 15 minutes. She quickly finds her patient’s file and goes to the illuminator hanging the CT scans, verifying the position of the blood clot Peridot needs to clip this morning, or rather teach Pearl how to clip. Peridot’s mind wanders back to this morning at the coffee shop, and that girl, she sips her coffee again. Vanilla. That’s what she’s tasting that made her drink better, ‘that sneaky minx,’ Peridot thinks to herself smiling, she hopes to see her again. Pearl comes up behind her,

“Mrs. Nanafua is prepped and ready for operation Dr. Greene,” Peridot is surprised by Pearl’s chipper voice but she quickly composes herself.

“We will be in O.R. 2 this morning, please go scrub in,” Peridot says, tying her scrub cap in place with a clipboard between her legs, and a pen between her teeth. Pearl nods, walking off, Peridot follows not far behind.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

They tie their masks on and scrub their hands in silence, before Peridot begins to speak, scrubbing underneath her fingernails. “There is a blood clot, where is it?” Peridot is asking to test Pearl’s attention to detail. 

"It's located in the lower right quadrant of the left temporal lobe Dr. Greene," Pearl answers knowledgeably.

"Good that you're aware because you're going to be the one to clip it," Peridot grins at the look on Pearl's face.

"Me?" Pearl asks astonished.

"Well can you do it, Dr. Miller?" Peridot is slick and cunning about this. Surprises and tests of confidence make good surgeons. Pearl scrunches her face up in concentration.

"Of course doctor," Pearl says as her face becomes professional once again. Peridot giggles rinsing her hands and turning on her heel into the sterile operating room. A scrub nurse carefully dries Peridot's hands and gloves them, putting safety glasses on Peridot’s face. Peridot and Pearl approach the anesthetized patient together, with a steady arm she holds out her hand.

"Scalpel," Peridot says, once the tool is in her hand she immediately goes in and makes an incision along the previously marked side of the patient’s scalp. She opens up the skull, handing the reins over to Pearl. 

Peridot watches closely, and with minimal guidance, Pearl slowly works the tools with steady hands, she clips the blood clot in one go. ‘She’d make a fine neurosurgeon,’ Peridot thinks to herself before praising the other doctor in the room, “Brava Dr. Miller,” Peridot says as Pearl removes the instruments from the patient, “Go ahead and close up here and get the patient to recovery. I’ll meet you in the break room afterward.” Pearl nods excitedly smiling with pride behind her mask, Peridot sees it in her eyes, Peridot is proud too she supposes.

Peridot’s day continues on uneventfully with minimal emergencies and surgeries. There are no complications with the previous one this morning, so she goes home, on-call, in case something does happen. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis’s shift ends at the coffee shop at noon, she has no other plans for the day so she decides to go to the beach. Lapis is a mystery to most of her co-workers and her manager at the coffee shop, Amethyst is all too curious, “Hey Lapis, any plans after work today?” she asks. Lapis gets a good vibe from Amethyst and takes the shot. 

“Surfing, swell is looking good today,” Lapis says this eyeing her manager closely,

“Shut up!” Amethyst exclaims excitedly, Lapis grins wide, she is right about her, “You surf too?” Amethyst is excited now, “You are so not going out there alone, this is me  inviting myself along,” Amethyst says.

“Trust me that is more than fine with me,” Lapis says grabbing her bag, 

“Need a ride?” Amethyst asks her newly discovered surfing buddy.

“That’d be nice, thanks,” Lapis says to Amethyst. She takes the ride freely, not wanting to deal with public transportation at the moment. Amethyst opens up her Subaru and drives to Lapis’s apartment. After a few short moments, she emerges with her surfboard and beach bag. Amethyst makes a quick stop by her home and grabs her things as well. They head off to the beach. 

Lapis and Amethyst ride waves well into the sunset, they lay on the beach and chitchat about all sorts of things before Lapis’s mind wanders back to that doctor from this morning. “Who is she anyway?” Lapis asks after describing her to Amethyst

“That’s Dr. Peridot Greene, she’s a neurosurgeon at Gemstone Coast Hospital. She’s loaded, and a regular at the shop. She always orders a plain flat white coffee with two shots and the best part, she tips like heaven dude. Once she gave me a 20 for no reason, didn’t even order anythin’ she just handed me the bill and told me to have a good day.” Amethyst says cleaning her surfboard. Laughing at the memory.

“She sounds nice,” Lapis says remembering her details from this morning.

“As nice as they come, she is a little know-it-all though,” Amethyst says applying wax to her board. Lapis nods changing the subject, although she still couldn’t take her mind off of this surgeon. “We better get going, I have to open tomorrow ugh,” Amethyst says annoyed. Lapis giggles,

“no worries let’s head out!” Lapis says picking up her board. They go back to their homes sunkissed and sandy, and Lapis dreams about a surgeon.


	2. I Barely Know The Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is okay, Let me know if you want more!

Peridot comes into the coffee shop the following morning, she’s wearing dark grey scrubs, with a different car. A Rolls Royce this time, ‘okay...really wealthy. Amethyst wasn’t lying when she said she was loaded,’ Lapis thinks to herself as she goes to the register, “Good morning Peridot, what can I get started for you?” Lapis asks smiling, excited to see this woman once again. 

“Ah, just a large double shot flat white please, oh and you’re not sneaky,” Peridot says looking up from her pager with raised eyebrows. Lapis gets worried all of a sudden,

“I’m sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lapis says defensively. Peridot smiles, she really is adorable.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m talking about the vanilla in my drink yesterday. It was lovely. Please add it in again,” Peridot says shyly shoving her hands in her pockets blushing. Lapis giggles. 

“They call it flat for a reason. It’s boring, I wanted to spice it up for you. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Lapis pauses ringing up Peridot’s order, “That’s going to be $3.99,” Lapis says opening up the register, Peridot hands her a fifty. Lapis goes to hand her change but Peridot stops her. 

“You keep that,” Peridot says winking once again as she steps aside. Lapis shakes her head in astonishment. 

“Order up for Peridot!” Lapis calls out after a few moments setting the drink on the counter. 

“Oh and this is on the house, Dr. Greene!” Amethyst says placing a paper bag on the counter as well, “She really likes blueberry muffins,” Amethyst says discreetly to Lapis, 

“Thank you, girls,” Peridot says suddenly absentminded noticing the vibrating in her pocket from her pager. 

No problem, any plans for today Dr. Greene ?” Lapis asks. She notices that Peridot is not really listening and is fishing a pager out of her pocket, she starts to leave.

“I’d love to stay and talk but I gotta run,” Peridot says as she rushes out of the building waving thanks to her baristas and jumping into her car. She leaves just as Lapis starts to hear sirens. It takes much effort to tear Lapis away from the window as Peridot drives off.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot goes in for her drink once more this morning, she meant to talk to that Lapis girl a little more in-depth but her pager goes off,  **_head trauma coming in an ambulance ETA 12 minutes_ ** . Peridot has to rush away. Once in the hospital, she chugs the coffee and heads directly to the emergency room. She prepares for immediate surgery. She ties her scrub cap and puts a gown on waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Pearl is not far behind, prepared for anything Peridot has to throw at her. The ambulance arrives and they roll a young man out on a gurney.

“Talk to me,” Peridot instructs the on-site EMT.

“16-year-old boy, Blunt trauma to the back of the head, excessive bleeding and skull fracture, loss of vision,” the EMT informs.

“Not good,” Peridot says as they take him directly to the CT scanner. The family follows closely behind, Peridot has to stop them at the door, they look overly concerned. “I will do everything I can,” Peridot says to the family before turning and following the gurney to the scanner. 

The scan comes up in minutes. “Severe damage to the occipital lobe,” Peridot says punching the desk, she looks at the boy in the scanner, he’s too young to go blind. He has gauges in his ears, Peridot remembers the time she got gauges in college, she took them out shortly after but she liked the way they looked. Her heart breaks for the boy. “Damn it,” she says now angry.

“Is there no way to save his vision, Dr. Greene?” Pearl asks, almost too hopeful. Peridot thinks for a moment. 

“Blood may be obstructing the scanner’s view, if I can clear it out I’ll be able to see the true injury. So I’m going to try. Get him out of here and prepared for surgery. Time is money,” Peridot orders Pearl, 

“Yes doctor,” Pearl responds, going into the scanner room and Peridot goes to scrub in. 

The surgery is going better than Peridot thought it would. Pearl watches Peridot closely and silently, Peridot’s hands are steady as she carefully inspects the damage to the occipital lobe. “Suction please,” Peridot says when the fluid starts to obstruct her view again and Pearl follows the order, holding the suction, it clears the view, and Peridot is relieved.

“It’s not as bad as the scan showed, he might have some vision loss but not total blindness, the kid will still be able to drive a car,” Peridot says applying sutures and cauterizing the bleeding. Pearl sighs in relief, Peridot stitches the boy’s skin and scrubs out. Peridot and Pearl go to give the family the good news.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

“He will have some vision loss, but what matters is that Dr. Greene here was able to salvage Mr. Barriga’s nerves,” Pearl says kindly to the family. Peridot was never one to be empathetic, but she was nice when she had to be. She’s there to save lives, not to be emotional support. Peridot is grateful to Pearl for her empathetic nature. The family is teary-eyed and thankful. They hug Peridot tightly, Peridot does her best to reciprocate. 

Peridot has nothing else on the schedule for the day, and that surgery ate into her other patients’ schedules so the other neurosurgeon on call took care of various minor surgeries she had planned. So she changes clothes and leaves on-call. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis and Amethyst are discussing their childhoods when Lapis sees the Rolls Royce pull into the parking lot once again, the shop is empty, noon is a very slow time for baristas. Peridot grabs her laptop and enters the coffee shop for some much-needed downtime.

“Welcome back, Dr. Greene what can I get going for you?” Lapis asks timidly and suddenly nervous, the surgeon looks so tired. 

“Surprise me,” Peridot says going to sit in a chair located in a corner, she is going to be assessing private scans after all and she doesn’t want anyone looking over her shoulder. Lapis starts to make a simple caffe latte. She pours a heart design into it. It’s a subtle move but Lapis doesn’t care, she smiles as she sets the latte on the table for Peridot, she goes to walk away but Peridot stops her. “Wait! I um…” Peridot looks around. “You can sit down if you want, ahem,” Peridot clears her throat. “I haven’t seen you around before,” Peridot stutters out. Lapis suddenly gets the message and pulls the chair out that’s across from the doctor. 

“Yeah, I’m new here I just recently picked up this job, I needed some extra spending money,” Lapis says gingerly sitting down, she looks over at Amethyst who gives a thumbs up. Lapis smiles before speaking again, “I hear you’re a surgeon at Gemstone Coast, is that true?” 

Peridot sips her coffee and closes her eyes. She sighs contentedly before speaking, “It is,” she sets the mug down and opens her eyes again, “That is lovely… the coffee I mean,” Peridot says smiling and Lapis giggles. 

“I’m glad you enjoy it, Dr. Greene,” Lapis says and Peridot smiles.

“Just Peridot is fine,” Peridot says, and Lapis blushes. “Sorry about this morning, by the way, I had an emergency page,” Peridot says referring to the earlier interaction.

“I was wondering what that was about,” Lapis says concern and interest woven in her voice.

“Yes, it was a young kid who hit his head, he would have gone blind if I had waited another moment,” Peridot says, matter-of-fact like. Lapis is now hopelessly attracted to this mysterious surgeon. “Anyway, enough about me, where are you from?” Peridot asks genuinely interested.

“The east coast. I grew up in Baltimore,” Lapis says tucking her hair behind her ear.

“What made you move out here?” Peridot asks sipping her coffee again.

“The ocean,” Lapis says longingly biting her lip and smiling. Peridot nods and smiles back at her.

“How long have you been a surgeon for?” Lapis asks and Peridot chuckles softly. 

“Too long.” they both laugh at that. “Not that long actually, I’ve only been out of the residency program for 2 years,” Peridot states nonchalantly.

“Was it hard, the school and stuff?” Lapis asks less knowledgeable. Peridot clears her throat again before speaking.

“Yeah, I suppose you could say it was hard,” Peridot chuckles, “but it was more time consuming than anything, took me ten years to get where I am today,” Peridot says setting her mug down again. Lapis is wide-eyed and clearly impressed. 

“You really must like it, to do something for so long and not give up. Wow, that’s impressive,” Lapis says leaning forward placing her elbows on the table and resting her chin atop her hands. “I guess you’ve found your calling, I don’t know what mine would be, maybe I don’t have one…” Lapis says trailing off.

“Sure you have a calling. Everyone does, sometimes it’s not a career though.” Peridot says winking. She sees a customer walk towards the door. She opens her laptop as the doorbell rings. Lapis blushes at Peridot’s kind words before standing up.

“Back to work for me, thank you for this conversation, enjoy your coffee Peridot,” Lapis says pushing in her chair.

“Will do,” Peridot says softly even though she knows Lapis can’t hear her.

A small lunch rush pours in shortly after their conversation ended. Peridot looks up from brain scans every so often to watch Lapis dance around the coffee machines. Peridot smiles, finishing her coffee, ‘she sure is interesting.’ Peridot thinks to herself looking back to her computer.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

“Dude she totally digs you,” Amethyst says starting up the blender. 

“Hush no she doesn’t,” Lapis says frothing milk for a latte. 

“Are you kidding me? Look at the way she’s watching you.” Amethyst says motioning in the general direction where Peridot sits. Lapis glances over at the surgeon who is watching her holding a pen between her teeth and smiling. Lapis blushes immediately looking away.

“Okay maybe she does,” Lapis says now very flustered.

“Dude, you need to give your number to her like now,” Amethyst says pushing Lapis out from behind the counter. Lapis writes her phone number out on a napkin, she then goes around wiping tables and cleaning up dishes. She goes to grab Peridot’s used mug and leaves the napkin in its place. She returns quickly to the counter.

“Tell me what’s happening,” Lapis says trying not to look.

“She just grabbed the napkin, now shes typing in her phone,” Amethyst says smiling wide and giving a play by play of the scene unfolding. Lapis bites her fingernails overwhelmingly nervous. Her phone suddenly buzzes in her pocket. Heat rises into Lapis’s cheeks. A surgeon, who would’ve thought? Definitely not her.

——————————————————————————————————————————-


	3. Like An Old Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cue mysterious surfer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, I'm not really sure what I'm doing here, I hope you like this.

Peridot is watching Lapis, discreetly of course. She doesn’t want to come off as a creep of some sort, but she’s watching nonetheless. Lapis looks over at her and Peridot quickly goes back to her work. 

After assessing the recent brain scans emailed to her, she responds regarding a tumor found between a young woman’s parietal and temporal lobes. The patient’s name is Jasper Montoya, Jasper has been Peridot’s Patient for two years now, diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 24 with a tumor in her frontal lobe. She is now 26, and there is new tumor growth. it must now be removed. After some chemotherapy, it should shrink down enough for 100 percent removal, this particular tumor is resulting in memory loss. It is important that Peridot does not damage the temporal lobe or the parietal lobe, otherwise, it could result in permanent memory loss. It is a complicated case, Peridot is the only surgeon within the state that is able to pull off this kind of surgery. 

Peridot is pulled out of her thoughts when Lapis walks by to grab her empty mug, she leaves a napkin in her wake, walking away quickly. Peridot grabs the napkin and reads the writing, **_‘213-867-5309-Lapis :)’_ ** Peridot pulls her phone out and types in the number to her contacts with a simple message, **_‘Peridot :)’_ **

——————————————————————————————————————————

Lapis digs her phone out of her pocket and looks at the message, heat rises into her cheeks, “What did she say?” Amethyst asks.

“Nothing important,” Lapis says putting her phone back in her pocket and getting back to work

“Aw come on! I’m invested now!” Amethyst says to Lapis as she mixes a drink, Lapis starts on the dishes. 

"I promise I'll tell you if anything exciting happens," Lapis says spraying off a plate in the sink

"Hmph," Amethyst sounds jokingly. Lapis chuckles. It is getting closer to closing time so they begin the process, rinsing tea dispensers and restocking the various merchandise preparing for the opening shift tomorrow.

Peridot gathers her things and goes to leave, she pulls two one hundred dollar bills out of her wallet. She waits until they are out of sight and drops the money in the tip jar. She leaves before they notice. She sits in her car and waits. 

She watches as they dump the tip jar and find the money inside. Lapis looks out at the Rolls Royce smiling and shaking her head, Peridot waves at them as she pulls out of the parking lot.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis has the next three days off, so she takes a bus to El Granada, California to Half Moon Bay where Mavericks Beach is. She is able to do this with Peridot's kind tip. She gets up super early to watch the pro surfers ride the mavericks. Huge waves that not only look like they could kill but do. She is planning on surfing later in the day when the waves die down a bit so she brings her wetsuit and cash to rent a board.

The surfers disappear into the wave as they ride it. Lapis watches from the sand as one rides down the wall of water. “Watching the mavericks?” a voice sounds from behind her. Lapis turns to see a tall figure standing there with long blonde hair, she’s holding an orange and white surfboard wearing a teal blue wetsuit.

“Yeah, I love the idea of riding one, but I don’t think I could,” Lapis says suddenly flustered.

“I didn’t think I could either until I did,” the unknown surfer says.

“You surf mavericks?” Lapis asks astonished.

“When I can,” the unknown surfer grins wide and breathes deeply before running into the shoreline, she paddles out to the open water. Lapis watches as she comes up to a really big one, Lapis is on the edge of her seat as the surfer stands and rides down the wave, the rumbling white water covers her. She worries that the unknown surfer went under for a moment, the wave evens out and she speeds forward, riding the wave with ease, going straight into the barrel of the wave, Lapis is in awe. 

The waves die down after a couple of hours and the unknown surfer returns to the beach, wet and salty. Lapis runs to greet her, “That was amazing, I thought you went under for a moment but you sped out in front of the foam and into the barrel, wow it was just incredible!” Lapis is excited now, the unknown surfer chuckles.

“I like you, the name’s Jasper,” the unknown surfer introduces herself to Lapis, her voice is on the deeper end, gravelly.

“I’m Lapis,” Lapis says plainly, reaching out her hand, Jasper shakes it, her grip is strong and wet from the seawater.

“You got a board Lapis?” Jasper asks letting go of Lapis’s hand.

“I do but its back in my apartment. I had to take a bus here, I was just going to rent one,” Lapis says nervously.

“Oh don’t spend your money on that garbage, I got an extra one in my car, hang tight for a second,” Jasper says, running up to the parking lot. Lapis pulls her wetsuit back over her shoulders in the meantime. Jasper returns with a smaller board of her own and one for Lapis, “Here this should suit you,” Jasper says handing the board over to Lapis. 

“Thank you,” Lapis says taking the board gratefully, putting her ankle through the leash.

“Come on shorty, show me what you got!” Jasper says running into the water, Lapis follows smiling. 

Jasper straddles her surfboard as she watches Lapis take on a pretty big wave hooting and cheering as she does an aerial. “Who taught you to surf?” Jasper finally asks when Lapis returns from the ride

“Nobody, I just taught myself I suppose,” Lapis says plainly.

“You got mad talent, for being just self-taught,” Jasper teases and Lapis smiles.

“How did you learn to ride mavericks?” Lapis finally asks after sitting in the quiet for a while. Jasper is running her hand through the water deep in thought. The waves are suddenly eerily calm and Jasper debates if she should share her personal information. Everyone dies someday right? So what does it matter?

“I learned after I got diagnosed with cancer two years ago. Life is short and fickle. More people should make the most of it,” Jasper says quietly. Lapis sits in the pregnant pause but Jasper does not continue.

“I’m so sorry, what type of cancer is it?” Lapis finally asks.

“Brain, It’s just recently come back. I’m having surgery here soon,” Jasper says and Lapis gasps. She thinks of Peridot,

“I know of a brain surgeon where I live! Dr. P-” Jasper cuts Lapis off

“Dr. Peridot Greene? Yeah, she has been my doctor for the past two years. She saved my ass the first time.” Jasper says flicking the water

Lapis talks with Jasper well into the evening, they go for coffee and dinner, and by the end of the weekend, Jasper is taking Lapis home. The rest is history.

Lapis moves in with Jasper shortly after. A classic Uhaul relationship if you will, she quits her job at the coffee shop to have more time for surfing, Jasper promised to teach her to ride Mavericks. Amethyst still stays in touch, demanding surfing lessons as well. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot hasn’t seen or heard from Lapis since the incident in the coffee shop, which was two weeks ago. Peridot assumes it was just a small fling and it wasn’t meant to be, today she has her first appointment with Jasper, her long time patient for the surgery taking place after her three-month chemo treatment. “Good morning Dr. Greene, I’m so sorry I’m late,” Pearl says as she walks into the breakroom exactly one minute late, Peridot giggles at this. The pair enters the consultation room and Peridot sees none other than her patient and Lapis from the coffee shop holding hands. Peridot shakes her head and chuckles as everything comes together.

Lapis is happy to see Peridot again, she sort of missed the coffee shop but she likes surfing with Jasper more. “Good morning, Ms. Montoya, ” Peridot greets her patient as she normally would.

“Morning doc. This is my girlfriend Lapis,” Jasper Introduces the already met pair.

Lapis looks up at Peridot, “I hope you’re well,” she greets the surgeon before going back to speaking with Jasper, “Baby I used to be her barista, remember?” Lapis asks chuckling knowing what the latter was going to say.

“No I really don’t,” Jasper says giggling, Lapis starts laughing too and Peridot gives an uncomfortable smile, 

“Well let’s try and fix that memory problem of yours,” Peridot says interrupting the couple, Peridot begins her list of questions required for data purposes and Pearl begins taking Jasper’s vital signs, Lapis helps with some of the questions because Jasper can’t remember. “Any headaches or nausea in the past week?” Peridot asks.

“No, yes? Maybe? I don’t remember,” Jasper says looking down at her toes.

“Not in the past week no,” Lapis answers for her smiling and patting her girlfriend’s hand. Peridot continues to ask various health-related questions until Pearl takes blood from Jasper and she hardly feels a thing. 

“Well, that’s all for today, I’ll see you in three months for surgery, please call me if anything comes up,” Peridot says leaving the room. 

“See you then doc,” Jasper says getting up to get dressed. Peridot quickly scurries out of the room. Pearl follows closely behind and Peridot leans against the wall nearest the door burying her face in her clipboard. 

How could she be so blind? Of course, someone like Lapis would be in a relationship, she tries to put the memories of the coffee shop behind her, taking the blood sample out of Pearl’s hand and going to the lab not wanting to explain her strange behavior to Pearl. 

——————————————————————————————————————————


	4. Rollerskating Down A Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :'(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.

Three months go by with minimal thought of Lapis or Jasper. Peridot busies herself with surgeries and complicated cases, to take her mind off of the looming surgery that Peridot will have to perform in a few days. Pearl has excelled in neurosurgery and is branching off to become one of the best. Peridot has taken Pearl under her wing, teaching her all she knows. 

They are discussing Jasper’s upcoming surgery when it all comes back to Peridot. The coffee shop, the looks, the tips, the flirting. Peridot shakes her head trying to focus on Pearl’s question, something about the procedure, “I’m sorry Dr. Miller could you repeat that?” Peridot asks guiltily knowing she wasn’t listening to Pearl, and Pearl sighs. 

“I was asking about the blood vessels running over the top of the tumor, what shall we do with them?”

“They will be cut and cauterized,” Peridot answers plainly.

“Some of them seem to be-,” Peridot cuts Pearl off.

“We’ve discussed this before Dr. Miller, please don’t start this again,” Peridot says getting heated now.

“I’m just concerned about the-,” Pearl begins but Peridot cuts her off again. 

“They are not essential blood vessels. If you have a problem with it take it up with the cardiologist!” Peridot is now yelling, frustrated. Pearl has tears welling in her eyes.

“That’s enough, Dr. Greene!” Dr. Garnet Wilson’s strong voice sounds through the conference room. Peridot sighs pinching the bridge of her nose, instantly regretting her outburst, 

“Forgive me, I have no excuse for this behavior…,” Peridot sighs, “Please continue, Dr. Miller,” Peridot says quietly. Pearl composes herself, wiping her eyes and standing up to show the brain scan.

“I fear that these vessels may rupture upon removal of the tumor, causing the patient to bleed out, has the patient been made aware of these risks?”

“I have discussed this with Jasper Dr. Miller, thank you for your concern. Now if you would please excuse us,” Garnet speaks softly to Pearl kindly requesting her to leave without actually saying it. Pearl gathers her things and leaves without another word. Garnet stands, unmoving as she exits. “A word. Peridot,” Garnet says firmly after Pearl leaves. Peridot knows it’s serious whenever Garnet uses her first name, 

“Yes, Garnet?” Peridot sighs out and Garnet’s voice suddenly turns to one of concern.

“What has gotten into you? You haven’t been eating, you haven’t been sleeping you’ve been working seventeen-hour shifts with no break, yelling at your colleagues for expressing concern! You have to tell me what’s wrong!” Garnet is practically begging Peridot now. 

“Nothing is wrong. I’m just not taking proper precautions. I promise It won’t happen again.” Peridot says, getting up to leave.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Garnet says blocking the door. Peridot has tears welling in her eyes now. 

“Have you ever fallen for someone, you’ve only met once?” Peridot asks almost too soft for Garnet to hear.

“Peridot…,“ Garnet begins to speak but Peridot speaks first

“Forgive me. I can’t do this right now. I have to go.” Peridot wipes the tears from her eyes as she rushes past Garnet.

Peridot is weeping in the locker room now, broken. Peridot was ready to love. Ready to let go of the past, but everything has gone to shit. She can’t seem to get away from her problems no matter what she does. “Dr. Greene?” Garnet is in here now. Great. 

“Please leave,” Peridot tries to sound convincing but her words come out as choked sobs. Garnet places her hands on her colleague’s shoulders, Peridot flinches at the touch.

“If there is anything I’ve learned from you it’s not to leave someone who is in need,” Garnet says softly sitting down behind her, Peridot loses it letting the tears fall. She doesn’t know why she feels so much.

“I was so ready,” Peridot says after a few moments and composing herself slightly. “So ready to fall in love, so ready to be something to someone else for once,” Peridot is letting the words fall out, she can’t stop them. “But I’m just the rich surgeon who saves lives and makes them better with my skills and my money, no one cares about what’s past that,” Peridot stops talking. She has nothing else to say. 

Garnet does not speak, it is not her place to, she can only listen. There’s nothing wrong with that. Peridots sobs soon turn to hiccups and eventually give way to sniffles. She clears her throat before speaking, “Thank you, Garnet. I’m so sorry about my outburst. Sometimes things are not what they seem,” Peridot finally says turning back to face her colleague.

“It’s alright. I was worried I would have to get the chief involved,” Garnet says giggling.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Peridot says standing, wiping her hands on her scrubs. “If you’ll excuse me, I have an apology to make,” Peridot says leaving the locker room. Garnet nods, giving an affectionate squeeze to Peridot’s shoulder

She goes to the breakroom to find Pearl reading a book. Pearl notices Peridot in the room but does not acknowledge it. Peridot sits down next to her quietly. “I understand if I overstepped a threshold. I’m truly sorry if I did. I appreciate your input, Pearl. I didn’t mean to step out of line like that, I hope you can forgive me.” Peridot says meaningfully.

“I may look it, but I am not fragile,” Pearl says after a few moments of contemplation. She stands and holds out her hand. “Let’s get back to work,” Pearl says smiling. Peridot is now the one to follow Pearl. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Jasper and Lapis are laying on the beach the day before Jasper’s surgery. Lapis runs her fingers through the warm sand before nervousness grips her. 

“What if something goes wrong?” Lapis asks turning to her lover. 

“Then it goes wrong, Lapis if it’s my time to go then it’s my time to go. You’ve seen what the chemo does to me. I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore, I don’t want you to blame anybody if something does go wrong, of course, you can be upset, but that ain’t nobody’s fault except the man upstairs,” Jasper says pointing at the sky. She knows all the right words to say, she knew that this conversation would come. Jasper looks up at the sky and Lapis lets tears fall as she watches the waves. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” Lapis says softly after crying for a few moments,

“Life is fickle, Lapis we will meet again, I know you will find another love, and when it comes along, please don’t fight it,” Jasper grabs Lapis’s hand. 

“You’re talking like you know you’ll die,” Lapis says, her voice breaking. 

“I don’t know anything. That’s why we have to prepare for the worst.” Jasper says truthfully. Lapis cries for a while longer and Jasper finally grabs her chin and kisses her. 

“It’ll be alright,” Jasper says placing her hand on Lapis’s cheek and Lapis leans into the touch. She can’t stop her tears from falling no matter how hard she tries.

“Come surf with me,” Lapis says after finally composing herself. The tide is coming in with the setting sun, “If you do die tomorrow. I want to remember you this way, not sobbing in your arms,” they both get up and paddle out to the open water, as the sun sinks into the ocean.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Anxiety fills the air on the morning of the surgery. Lapis is restless in the waiting room as Peridot scrubs in. Pearl is next to her scrubbing her fingernails, “You know she signed a DNR before this and requested we not tell Lapis about it,” Pearl says, and Peridot freezes. 

“What?” Peridot stops washing for a moment.

“She signed a-,” Pearl begins but Peridot cuts her off.

“No I heard what you said, I just… okay,” Peridot starts a thought but decides not to finish it. She grips the sink tightly. She was never one to believe in God, but if anyone can save Jasper it’s God. she says a silent prayer and hopes someone is listening. 

They finish scrubbing in and go into the O.R. just as Jasper is being put under, no words are shared between them, Just a mutual understanding that whatever happens, happens. Then Jasper is gone. Peridot holds out her hand, “Scalpel,”

The operation begins smoothly with minimal complications up until Peridot begins to lift the tumor out. “BP is dropping Dr.,” one scrub nurse says, Peridot hesitates. 

“If I remove it, she will bleed out,” Peridot looks at Pearl with tears in her eyes.

“What will we do Dr.?” Pearl asks concern etched in her voice. Peridot freezes, blinking the tears away. She knows what she has to do and she has no choice but to do It. Jasper’s blood pressure is dropping.

“BP is 80/60 Dr.” the scrub nurse warns as the alarm sounds, Peridot inhales through her nose sharply. She moves quickly and begins to remove the tumor.

“Suction!” Peridot calls quickly taking the tumor out, dropping it into a kidney dish. Pearl works quickly trying to control the bleeding, Jasper’s heart rate rises, and another alarm sounds.

“BP Is 60/45!” The scrub nurse calls out now panicking, the room is in slow motion, Pearl is desperately trying to stop the bleeding, “BP is 50/45!” the scrub nurse calls out again and Jasper flatlines. Pearl stops, but Peridot begins resuscitation protocol,

“Crash cart!” Peridot calls starting chest compressions.

“Dr. Greene, you need to stop,” Pearl says but Peridot isn’t listening. She continues chest compressions,

“Someone get me a damn crash cart!” Peridot is crying now. Pearl hugs her from behind pulling Peridot away. “G-get me a c-crash cart…, ” Peridot blubbers out, finally giving up. Pearl is hugging Peridot tightly. Peridot composes herself, taking her scrub cap off. She is quiet for a moment, she glances at the clock as the sustained beeping fills the room, “Time of death… 8:32.” Peridot says monotonously. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Pearl and Peridot clean their hands quietly, Peridot dries her hands and waits for Pearl. They go out into the waiting room with solemn faces. They approach Lapis, she stands at the sight of them and she knows It did not go well. 

Lapis collapses in the surgeon’s arms. “I’m so sorry,” Peridot says, holding the broken girl as she wails. “I did everything I could,” Peridot says as broken cries fill the waiting room.

——————————————————————————————————————————


	5. I'm Dying On The Sofa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst helps Lapis in the aftermath of Jasper's Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grief is hard. sorry if this is kinda short, I just want you guys to have more frequent updates

It’s been three weeks since Jasper passed away. Lapis is on the floor of their bedroom crying, it’s been a week since the funeral. Her phone is ringing, She doesn’t care, she’s holding Jaspers hoodie close to her chest. It still smells like her. Lapis starts to wail again, ‘Why her? Why her?’ she loses track of time. The seconds, minutes, and hours all blur together.

“Lapis?” Amethyst’s voice is soft in Lapis’s ears, ‘she must be outside the door,’ Lapis thinks to herself, she hears the door creak open, she does not move. “Jesus Lapis,” Amethyst says coming into the room.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis hasn’t been answering her texts or calls so Amethyst fears the worst and goes to investigate. She comes to the apartment she Lapis and Jasper spent so much time in, the parties, the movies, the after surfing naps. She comes to the door, warnings and eviction notices riddle the front of it, she takes a moment to glance at the dates. ‘April 21st,’ that’s three days from now. Amethyst needs to get her out of there sooner rather than later. She turns the doorknob, it’s unlocked. Amethyst walks through the living room, Lapis isn’t there so she goes to the bedroom, she calls her name before opening the door.

Its a sight of absolute grief, what Amethyst sees. Lapis is laying on the floor, her eyes look like they could start bleeding from her hand rubbing away her tears. Lapis is breathing shallowly. she hasn’t slept, changed clothes, bathed, drank water, or eaten in days, Amethyst sighs sadly at the sight. “Okay, up you go,” Amethyst says pulling Lapis upright against her chest, she drags her slowly to the bathroom. 

Lapis is empty and numb. She doesn’t want to think or feel, or be alive any longer. Everything is floating away through her eyes, she doesn’t even notice Amethyst taking her clothes off and setting her in the bathtub. She’s brought back when she feels warm water running across her skin, Amethysts fingers are gentle as they scrub away at Lapis’s scalp, cleaning her hair for the first time since the funeral. The water isn’t cold, but it’s not hot either. Just a little warm, Lapis wishes it was hotter.

Amethyst scoops water up onto Lapis’s hair as she washes it, Lapis can hear the water running back down, the slight trickle of it is soothing. It almost sounds like rain when it gathers in her windowsill. The rain. It seems like it hasn’t stopped raining since Jasper died. “Amethyst?” Lapis finally speaks, her voice is hoarse from crying and not speaking for days.

“I’m here,” Amethyst speaks so softly, Lapis almost can’t hear her over the sound of trickling water. Lapis suddenly realizes just how tired she is. Her eyes droop closed half in exhaustion and half from the relaxation the bath was bringing her, but she does not fall asleep. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

“I’m sorry,” Lapis says as Amethyst towels her off, Lapis is sitting on the toilet seat now, water from her hair drips into her lap and Amethyst goes to drain the tub.

“Don’t be,” Amethyst says coming back to Lapis’s side, Amethyst dries Lapis’s hair a little more before draping the towel over Lapis’s shoulders. Lapis shivers a little. ‘I’m Cold?’. Lapis thinks to herself as she wraps the towel tighter around her shoulders, noticing the way the soft fibers press against her skin. Amethyst brushes Lapis’s unkempt hair carefully and Lapis swallows dryly, it feels weird to sit up after laying down for so long, she’s just now realizing how thirsty she is, and she hasn’t cried in the past five minutes, so that’s a plus.

“I think I want some water,” Lapis says when Amethyst brings her fresh clothes to change into, Amethyst nods, placing the clothes on the sink turning to leave. Lapis slowly gets into the clothes, pulling the shirt over her head and slipping the sweatpants on. She almost falls when she stands, she’s lightheaded and dehydrated. Lapis goes to lay on the floor again, she can’t stand to lay in the bed or on the couch, it all is just too much for her.

“Oh no you don’t,” Amethyst says walking in to see Lapis sinking to the floor once again, she sets the glass of water on the nightstand and goes to stop her. Amethyst grabs Lapis’s hand and pulls. Amethyst leads her into the dining room and sits her on a chair, she then goes back to get the water. Lapis sits there staring at the ceiling fan, round and round it goes. She is pulled back into reality when she hears a glass clink. She looks down and sees Amethyst holding the water glass, a look of concern is painted across her face. Lapis gives a halfhearted smile.

“I’m fine,” Lapis’s voice cracks at the lie. Amethyst scoffs then chuckles.

“No, you aren’t and that’s okay,” Amethyst says handing the glass to Lapis, Lapis drinks from it slowly, her queasiness is not soothed, but in fact made worse, she sets the glass back down trying to keep the water in her system. 

Amethyst is in the kitchen, Lapis thinks she’s cooking. Time doesn’t seem to exist anymore because she looks down and realizes a small bowl of rice has been set in front of her. She doesn’t know how long it has been sitting there, not long. It’s still warm to the touch. The thought of eating made Lapis want to gag, but Amethyst finally convinces Lapis to take just one bite and the hunger hits her like a freight train.

Lapis is exhausted at this point, her eyes are half-lidded, “Are you tired?” Amethyst asks clearing the dishes, and Lapis nods before dozing off on her palm. 

Amethyst moves the couch to one corner of the room and drags the mattress out from the bedroom, she plops it onto the living room floor and changes the sheets, she knows these ones would smell like Jasper. Amethyst flicks on the TV, she turns the volume down some and plays a Disney movie. She knows Lapis would not want to be in silence if she happens to wake up. Amethyst looks back up at the table, Lapis is asleep sitting up, her chin in her palm. Amethyst grabs Lapis’s shoulders and gently pulls her back, Lapis’s hand drops down and her head goes forward, Amethyst is there to catch her. Lapis wakes at the movement, confused at first but she feels Amethyst’s presence. Amethyst carefully takes Lapis to the bed on the floor. 

Lapis is barely conscious but she walks to where Amethyst is taking her, she is thankful for the soft mattress underneath her when she sits. She immediately lays down and falls asleep.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Amethyst leaves, locking the door behind her leaving Lapis to sleep. She heads to the supermarket, she picks up boxes and various moving supplies she knows Lapis does not have and rents a truck for tomorrow. Amethyst is going to take Lapis in for a few weeks, she can’t leave her like this.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis wakes from a dreamless sleep, the sun illuminates the now-empty apartment. Lapis is very confused now, she sits up and brings her hand to her throbbing head. She looks around and finds boxes, labeled ‘Jasper,’ and ‘Lapis,’ she hears rummaging around in the bedroom. Lapis gets up on shaky legs and makes her way toward the sound. She runs her hand along the wall, “Amethyst? What’s going on?” Lapis’s voice is thick with sleep. 

“Good morning Lapis,” Amethyst greets her friend, she’s packing everything up, “I’m sorry but you can’t stay here anymore, the landlord has put warnings of eviction all over your door, we gotta get you out of here,” Amethyst says stacking another box, “I put a granola bar on the counter for you, can you try and eat a little bit of it?” Amethyst asks clearing another shelf of the closet, Amethyst is trying to do this quickly so Lapis doesn’t dwell on it for too long. 

Lapis silently goes into the nearly empty kitchen, she opens the granola bar with shaky hands. Lapis is confused but she trusts Amethyst. She wonders what Jasper would think of all of this.

Jasper said that she doesn’t care about her material things, except maybe her surfboard. Lapis takes a bite, its a chocolate chip bar, she goes to get a glass of water but the cupboards are empty, She opens a fridge and finds a half-empty Gatorade, that will do. She eats the whole granola bar, her senses are overloaded so she doesn’t really know how hungry she is. She sips the Gatorade and decides that since this is happening, she might as well make herself useful.

She strips the bed and folds the blankets for packing, the TV is already wrapped in bubble wrap, and everything else seems to be packed up. She sits on the mattress just as Amethyst comes out with a hand truck full of boxes, she notices most of these ones are labeled ‘essentials,’. 

They move Lapis out of the apartment faster than Amethyst thought they would. Most of the stuff is put into Amethyst’s garage, but It was still surprisingly easy. Lapis can go through the Jasper boxes at her own pace. 


	6. Alcohol And Dopamine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot in the aftermath of Jasper's death

Peridot spends days trying to figure out a way that the surgery would have gone well, every scenario, every variable. Garnet and Pearl eventually convince her that there was nothing she could have done differently. 

Peridot spends most of the month out of work, wallowing in her own pitiful failure, drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Of course, as a medical professional, Peridot knows this is unhealthy, but everyone indulges in the pleasure, or in Peridot’s case, the displeasure of drunkenness. She stumbles around her house screaming at someone who isn’t there, for Peridot is alone. More alone than she’s ever been, she’s stumbling in the dark, completely and utterly in love with a woman who could never love her back. 

After getting drunk multiple times, Peridot decides that alcohol is not enough, she turns to prescription marijuana, after some convincing, her doctor prescribed it for her. She rolls it in paper and smokes it, and for the first time, Peridot feels something other than pity.

Peridot goes to the gym now, she has taken up boxing again, it had been awhile. She wraps her hands tightly and securely. She punches the bag repeatedly, letting out all the pent up frustration and anger she has for herself to a stuffed faux leather bag. She does push-ups well into the evening, ‘up, down.’ Failure. ‘Up, down.’ Life taker. ‘Up, down.’ Cold. ‘Up, down.’ 

When the weed runs out, Peridot has pulled herself together some. She returns to work the next day.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

She has been avoiding the coffee shop for obvious reasons, but today she has such a craving that only The Crystal Cafe can kick. She hesitantly enters, she hasn’t seen Lapis here in months so why would she be here now? Oh, how wrong Peridot is. 

The bell dings as Peridot steps into the doorway, The coffee shop is mostly empty considering they just opened, aside from the black blob in the corner. Peridot looks closer at the blob, It’s Lapis, She has over-ear headphones on and is wearing a black hoodie. Her knees are tucked into it, her eyes are purple and swollen, her face is puffy and red from crying, Peridot tries to order discreetly so as to not disturb her, but Lapis is watching, and can hear every single syllable that comes out of Peridot’s mouth. 

“Peridot,” Lapis’s voice is short and ragged, Peridot flinches at the sound. Lapis beckons her over, hesitantly Peridot comes forward, Lapis grabs her arm. “I need to know what happened,” Lapis says in a begging tone of voice. She can’t help it, It’s haunting her. Hesitantly Peridot sits, she looks Lapis in the eye as she speaks, attempting to be brave. 

“Everything was going smoothly. The cameras, the procedure, but I made the first move of lifting the tumor slightly,” Peridot says as professional as she can, she breathes deeply before continuing, “Her blood pressure began to drop. If I pulled my instruments out, she would’ve bled out. If I took the tumor out, she would still bleed out but in a more controlled manner. I opted for tumor removal.” Peridot pauses inhaling sharply. She has to lie about the DNR. “Once the tumor was removed she was bleeding out too quickly for us to manage. Her heart stopped, It wouldn’t start again,” Peridot lies. “I did everything I could,” Lapis says nothing, she just clenches her jaw, trying not to cry, not that she has any tears left to cry anyway. Peridot gets up to leave but Lapis stops her, 

“Why was she bleeding so much?” Lapis asks placing a hand on Peridot’s wrist, Peridot sits back down.

“There was a hidden vessel underneath the tumor that was attached to the connection of the brain. The vessel acted as a glue, none of the doctors or scanners found it. By the time we did, it was too late. The incision had already been made,”

“So she would still be alive if she hadn’t gotten the surgery?” Lapis asks softly.

“That’s not entirely true either. The chemo was barely making a dent in that tumor. Her memory was deteriorating more and more every day. It was a matter of weeks… Lapis I’m so sorry. The surgery could have succeeded, but there were underlying factors we did not know about, I’m so sorry I failed you.” Peridot says guiltily, wishing she could tell the truth but she took an oath to do what was in the patient’s best interest, she is not about to betray that oath. Lapis waits a very long time before speaking again,

“The reason I’m asking you all of this is because she wrote me a letter. She gave it to me before she went under, she told me that if something does happen, to ask you about it before I open it, I just had to know,” Lapis says placing a wrinkled envelope on the table. Lapis runs her fingers over the ink on the front. She wants to cry but all of her tears have already been spent.

“I think you should open it if you want to, there is no right or wrong time to open it now,” Peridot says watching Lapis’s hand, and Lapis nods as Peridot finally gets up, “Please, call me if you need anything or have any more questions, okay?” Peridot says turning and going to grab her forgotten order. Lapis nods even though she knows Peridot cannot see her.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot heads into work and is bombarded with paperwork. Pearl sighs looking at the pile, “Some welcome back gift huh?” Pearl says picking up the stack sifting through it quickly. “Most of these just need your signature,” Pearl says setting the papers back on the desk. Peridot grunts in response twirling a pen around her finger, then tapping it on the desk before she begins scribbling signatures. Pearl watches her closely, she notices bruises on Peridot’s knuckles. “Your knuckles…” Pearl begins, 

“Oh, the bruises? Boxing,” Peridot answers her question flattening her hand to look at them again, the soreness felt good, made her feel alive. Pearl whimpers but says nothing, Pearl doesn’t want to imagine what would happen if something happened to Peridot’s steady hands. “Wanna get drinks after work today?” Peridot asks after a long silence, finishing up the signatures.

“Oh I um, I don’t drink,” Pearl says, 

“Hmph,” Peridot grunts in response,

“I mean, I’ve never had a drink before…” Pearl Hesitantly admits. Then Peridot smiles. 

“Oh, oh ho ho ho,” Peridot is grinning now, “Just do one shot with me,” Peridot begs and Pearl smiles at the offer. 

“Oh, alright I suppose just one couldn’t hurt,” Pearl finally agrees. Pearl and Peridot finish their work for the day and head over to the bar. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

“Two jäegerbombs, please!” Peridot calls to the bartender slapping her credit card down on the bartop. The waitress picks the card up and starts a tab, the bartender places the two shot glasses and glasses half-filled with Redbull down in front of them, Pearl sits on the bar stool confused, 

“Watch closely,” Peridot says grabbing the shot glass with one hand and the Redbull glass with the other, Pearl watches Peridot’s hand closely, as she drops the smaller glass into the bigger one. Peridot drinks it down quickly, the burn of the alcohol makes her eyes water, but she doesn’t mind, she’s used to it. Peridot clears her throat, the bartender gave them both glasses of water to chase the shot down but Peridot doesn’t need it, Pearl has already drunk hers. probably out of nervousness, Peridot giggles at this. “Okay, your turn now,” Peridot says grinning, Pearl’s face scrunches up as she picks up the shot glass.

“Do I have to drink it all at once?” Pearl asks, Peridot nods. 

“Don’t spit it out either,” Peridot laughs out and Pearl gives her a look. Pearl winces before dropping in the glass, she begins to drink, she tries to get it over quickly but it seems to drag on. Pearl shivers as she takes the last gulp, she coughs before speaking again,

“Ew,” Pearl says, drinking more water. “And you do that for fun?” Pearl says astonished, Peridot chuckles nodding.

“Somebody get this woman a Piña Colada,” Peridot yells over the chatter of the bar. The bartender nods, giggling. Moments later a large frozen drink adorned with fruit is in front of Pearl. Pearl sips it hesitantly, her disgusted face falls and she is starry-eyed.

“Oh,” Pearl says drinking more of the sweetly masked alcohol, and Peridot giggles taking a sip of her martini. The night is young, and Peridot plans to make the most of it. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot wakes the next morning hungover, It’s Saturday so no work needs to be done, her head is pounding and her phone is ringing, fuzzy memories of Pearl doing shots with her fill her mind. She laughs out loud, she answers her phone.

“Peridot?” Pearl’s voice fills her ear, 

“Hey, what’s up?” Peridot answers,

“I Uhm… I need a ride.” Pearl says embarrassed.

“Where are you? I’m on my way,” Peridot responds grabbing her keys.

“I’ll text you the address,” Pearl says before hanging up, Peridot suddenly remembers that Pearl had met a girl last night, she was tall and muscular, a truck driver Peridot recalls. She probably took Pearl home.

Peridot decides to take out the 2018 Corvette today, its a smaller silver sportscar. Peridot also grabs her sunglasses. She drives out to where the text said Pearl is. 

Pearl comes out with messy hair and no shoes in a shirt that is way too big for her. She gets into the sports car, disheveled. Peridot sees the hickeys on her neck, but she doesn’t say anything, Pearl is blushing while looking at her phone. “Some night huh?” Peridot asks trying to start a conversation, Pearl nods wordlessly. “So… What’s her name?” Peridot asks and Pearl’s face goes red.

“Bismuth,” Pearl says looking away exposing the hickeys on her shoulders more. Peridot giggles looking back to the road. “Sorry to ask you for this, I just um, don’t really have anybody else,” Pearl admits honestly, Peridot chuckles softly. 

“It’s really no problem, I like driving if you haven’t noticed,” Peridot says pressing the accelerator a little harder. Peridot realizes Pearl is the first friend she’s had in a long time. She takes her home. As Pearl is leaving her car, Peridot speaks, “Put a spoon in the freezer and hold it to those hickeys. Press hard,” Peridot advises before putting the car back in drive. Pearl’s face turns 8 shades darker, she slams the door and Peridot laughs driving away quickly.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot wakes Sunday morning early, and by early she means 3:00 in the morning. Peridot is restless so she decides to go for a drive. The streets are empty. She finds herself at the beach parking lot, she watches the waves as they get higher and higher, the wind gets stronger with them. A storm is rolling in. She notices something moving amongst the waves. Peridot squints harder, it’s a surfer. 


	7. I Took A Spill And Ran Into A Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis does something unfathomably stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think of all this, thanks for reading!

Lapis has been staying with Amethyst for a few days now, Lapis can’t decide if it’s a blessing or a curse. Amethyst makes her come into the coffee shop with her so that Lapis cant do anything she would regret while Amethyst works. Lapis is going through the boxes at a steady pace deciding what she wants to donate and what she wants to keep, she’s doing this faster than Amethyst thought she would anyway. 

Lapis recently had a discussion with Peridot about what really happened during the surgery, it answered a few questions that Lapis had but not all of them. Lapis digs her thumb under the seal of the envelope that encases Jasper’s letter to her. It’s a five-page long letter of her last wishes, a copy of the DNR form, and a check for 9 million dollars. Lapis drops to her knees at this. She walks straight to the bank and talks with a teller who was too kind for her own good. They put the money away safely so Lapis doesn’t have to worry about it anymore. The letter also has a confession. 

‘ **_Dear Lapis, you were the love of my life. I’m so sorry that this happened and that I signed that form, I’m sure you wish I hadn’t. But I was suffering, you must understand how much pain I was in, but I’m not suffering anymore, please stay alive for me Lapis and have a happy one. We will meet again, this was the least I could do. I love you, you’ll meet me in the waves someday, I promise! -Jasper_ **’ 

Lapis reads that note over and over again. ‘ **_Meet me in the waves._ **’ Tears sting at her eyes. She closes them and remembers the first time Jasper rode a maverick in front of her. It’s late. It’s so late that Lapis doesn’t even know the time. 

She leaves Amethyst’s house taking a surfboard with her, she walks in the rain. It is coming down so hard it’s almost painful. Lapis doesn’t know how she got to Mavericks beach, but she doesn’t care, she just wants Jasper. She misses her more than anything. 

She can’t think clearly, she is paddling out into the ocean in pitch-black darkness. The water is like silk underneath her palms, cold and soft. The rain comes down harder as she is taken further into the dark nothingness.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot is leaving her car so quickly that it doesn’t register, the next thing she knows, she’s on the beach calling out for the surfer. A huge wave builds up out of nothing and swallows the surfer whole. Peridot screams, she wades in after the water evens out, she’s fully clothed in jeans and a hoodie. The surfer isn’t too far out so Peridot swims in after them. the saltwater stings her eyes. The surfer is unconscious and drowning, luckily Peridot can still touch the sandy floor. She grabs the lead still attached to the surfer’s ankle and heaves them onto the surfboard.

Peridot begins to pull them ashore but Peridot realizes she’s in a rip current, not going anywhere. ‘That must be how I got out from shore so fast,’ Peridot thinks to herself as she starts to swim parallel to the shoreline, or as parallel as she can in the dark. She continues swimming until she thinks she’s far enough away from the current, then she turns around to walk to shore. Peridot can feel things brush up against her legs and wants to panic but she shifts her focus elsewhere. Another huge wave comes down on top of them and pounds them down hard. 

Peridot comes back up coughing and sputtering out saltwater. It burns her face and eyes, this water is freezing, she can already feel the early stages of hypothermia beginning. She can’t see very well, she looks at the surfboard to make sure the surfer is still on top of it. The board is empty, The surfer has slipped off of the board and is floating backward toward the rip current. Peridot grasps the leash still around the surfer’s ankle and pulls, taking the surfer by the arms instead, holding them close to her chest, she continues to pull the surfer to shore.

She eventually is able to drag the surfer and the board out of the water onto the sand. She checks on the surfer. “Can you hear me!?” Peridot calls over the howling wind, checking the surfer’s pulse. Peridot freezes at the discovery of who it is. “Lapis!?” Peridot screams out, she isn’t breathing, Peridot immediately starts chest compressions, she continues until Lapis coughs, the saltwater leaving her system. Peridot turns Lapis on her side, she continues to cough up water. Lapis is conscious now, Looking into a surgeon’s eyes, the exact same surgeon who took her girlfriend’s life and is saving hers. 

“What the fuck were you thinking Lapis?” Peridot says helping Lapis sit up. Her eyes are half-lidded, she cannot speak so she doesn’t even try. Sand is embedded in their clothes, Peridot feels heavy as she helps Lapis into her car. Lapis is shivering in shock, Peridot goes back to grab the surfboard, she places it in her trunk. With slippery wet fingers, she turns the car on and blasts the heater. Peridot begins to drive. Where is she going? She has no idea, the hospital? No, that would be a mess.

“We’re moving…” Lapis says looking out the window.

“Yes,” Peridot says trying to focus on the road, but the chill in her bones is making that difficult. 

“Where?” Lapis asks shivering and chattering her teeth.

“Somewhere safer,” Peridot says turning towards her house. Lapis curls in on herself, shivering violently, “Shit, Lapis,” Peridot says noticing the movements. 

She pulls into her driveway, parking directly in front of the door, she will move her car later. Peridot leaves her car pulling off her hoodie in the process, the water makes the hoodie 10 times harder to take off, Peridot sighs going to the other side of the car opening the door and taking Lapis into her arms. Lapis wraps her arms around Peridot’s neck, sobbing into her shoulder convulsing and shaking violently. She’s cold to the touch. This worries Peridot tremendously. Peridot goes into her home and walks directly to her bedroom turning on her fireplace as she steps in. 

Peridot sets Lapis on the floor in front of the fireplace and Peridot takes off the rest of her clothes. “P-peridot? W-what’s going o-on?” Lapis says still severely shaking as Peridot kneels in front of her almost naked. 

“I’m just trying to help,” Peridot says, starting to take off Lapis’s clothes. Peridot is ignoring the fact that she’s actually doing this. Lapis is trying to help but she is shaking too bad to do much of anything. Peridot takes Lapis into her arms again, the two only in their underclothes. Peridot hugs Lapis close to her body as she lays down on the bed covering the two in a heavy duvet. Lapis is still shaking, albeit less than before as Peridot’s warmth radiates off of her.

Th..thank you,” Lapis says as her shaking subsides. She tucks her head further into Peridot’s chest. Lapis’s shaking eventually gives way to sleep, her exhausted body falls into Peridot’s arms. 

Peridot tries to put the fact that the two of them are mostly naked to the back of her mind. Her eyes begin to get heavy, she sits up carefully and leaves Lapis to sleep. Lapis will probably wake up confused and scared. It would be best if Peridot was not present when Lapis wakes. She leaves silently, and goes to one of her many guest bedrooms, falling into a dreamless sleep.

——————————————————————————————————————————

Amethyst doesn’t realize Lapis is gone until the next morning. She finds Lapis’s phone and Jasper’s letter on the floor of her guestroom. Amethyst drops to her knees and immediately unlocks Lapis’s phone and calls the only person who she might be with. She opens the contact. ‘Peridot,’ 

The phone rings once, then twice. “Hello?” Peridot answers the phone groggy from sleep. 

“Peridot? This is Amethyst. Is Lapis with you?” Amethyst asks trying to stay optimistic but still sounding very frantic.

“Yeah, yeah, she’s here,” Peridot says breathing deeply remembering last night. She blinks the sleep out of her eyes, assessing her surroundings. Amethyst sighs in relief, her anxiety lets go. 

“Um, let’s skip the niceties, obviously something bad happened, do you need me to come and get her?” Amethyst asks beginning to grab her things. 

“No no it’s fine, I’ve got her, I can call you back if she wants you to come here. She’s asleep at the moment,” Peridot says getting up to peek at the sleeping form in the next room. 

“Okay, If you’re sure,” Amethyst says stopping her rummaging.

“I am. I’ll call this number if anything changes,” Peridot says turning to go back to the living room.

“Okay, sounds good, bye,” Amethyst says hanging up the phone. 

Peridot puts her phone down on the counter tiptoeing back to her room, she takes the sandy wet clothes from the floor and turns off the fireplace. She goes into her closet, changing into grey sweatpants and a black long-sleeve shirt. Starting the clothes in the washer, Peridot grabs a change of clothes for Lapis. She then turns back into the room to see Lapis’s eyes half-lidded and coming out of sleep.

“Hey,” Lapis says hoarsely, her voice is sore from coughing, her chest is sore from the compressions. Peridot freezes, 

“I can leave if you want I was just getting you some clothes,” Peridot says setting the clothes on the bed and turning to leave.

“No, no it’s okay,” Lapis says holding out her hand to stop her, Peridot sits on the bed. “Has Amethyst called?” Lapis asks sitting up slightly clutching the duvet and sheets close to her, covering her chest. 

“Yeah, do you want me to have her come here?” Peridot asks turning to go and grab her phone.

“No!... I mean no, It’s sort of nice not having her hover,” Lapis says grabbing the t-shirt Peridot brought for her slipping it over her head. 

“How much do you remember from last night?” Peridot asks sitting back down.

“Not much. It’s all sort of fuzzy,” Lapis says placing a hand on her aching head, running her fingers through her tangled hair when she feels something crusty, she tries to scratch it away but it hurts. Dried blood. 

“What’s wrong?” Peridot asks noticing the wince and concern etched on Lapis’s face.

“I’m sure its nothing,” Lapis says bringing her hand back down, it’s covered in blood.

“Or it’s something,” Peridot says getting up to look closer at the injury.


	8. Suffered Minor Injury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot takes Lapis to get checked out

Peridot gets up to look at Lapis’s head, now concerned. “Can you please turn around?” Peridot requests and Lapis complies turning 90 degrees so her back is facing Peridot. Peridot washes her hands and puts on gloves, “Can I touch you?” Peridot asks softly, 

“Yes that’s fine,” Lapis says looking back slightly as she speaks. Peridot moves Lapis’s hair out of the way to get a good look at the cut.

“Do you remember hitting your head?” Peridot asks getting a gauze pad covered in a wound cleaner, Lapis closes her eyes and tries to remember.

“I was paddling out when the wave rose, my board tipped over and I got knocked off, the wave went down… the reef! I hit my head on the reef,” Lapis states before hissing in pain. Peridot begins cleaning the cut on the back of her head. Peridot chuckles when Lapis hisses.

“Oh don’t be a baby,” Peridot says finishing up, Lapis gives a half-hearted smile turning around.

“Well, it hurt,” Lapis says as she looks at Peridot’s face. Peridot takes off her gloves and puts them into the trash. Lapis suddenly feels very faint, and lightheaded, “I feel like I’m gonna pass out,” Lapis says and Peridot is now very concerned.

“Can a brain surgeon convince you to get checked out at the hospital? I want to properly check your head, just to make sure it's only minor,” Peridot says putting her first aid kit away, Lapis groans. 

“I’m sure it’s fine Peridot,” Lapis says trying to get out of it, 

“I can’t make you, but it will drive me nuts if I don’t make sure it’s fine, better safe than sorry right?” Peridot asks and Lapis nods slowly, she doesn’t have anything better to do today, and besides, what is the worst that could happen? Peridot leaves the room expecting Lapis to follow.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis sighs as she gets up, she slips Peridot’s sweatpants over her legs assessing the room more in-depth, it looks fancy. High ceilings, pretty lights, beautiful hardwood floors. Lapis looks outside the window, it’s not actually a window its a sliding glass door that leads to a balcony, overlooking an amazing view. Lapis finally decides to leave the bedroom only to be met with more of Peridot’s fancy home. Her lightheadedness fades for the moment.

Peridot grins at Lapis’s agape mouth. Peridot is standing in front of a wall of keys, each hook labeled with the corresponding car. “Come take your pick,” Peridot says motioning to said wall, and Lapis comes over reading each of the labels before one catches her eye,

“Shut up, you do not have a Maserati!” Lapis says staring at the key.

“Shall we take the 17 GranTurismo or the 19 Quattroporte?” Peridot says grinning as Lapis’s mouth drops open again.

“I’m sorry you have two of them?” Lapis asks as Peridot chooses a key for her. Peridot walks away toward her garage and Lapis follows starstruck. 

Peridot revs the engine and Lapis jumps at the sound. Peridot laughs behind the steering wheel as Lapis stares at her fleet of cars. Lapis eventually pulls herself together long enough to sit in the passenger seat of Peridot's Maserati GranTurismo. She looks around inside the cab of the luxury car smiling, and Peridot pulls out of her garage. Peridot takes the back roads avoiding traffic so she can go fast. Lapis puts her hand out of the window to feel the breeze between her fingers, Peridot turns the music up, the warm sun shines in from the windows. Lapis closes her eyes listening to the song playing. This is the most alive Lapis has felt in weeks.

They reach the hospital, and Lapis leaves the car running her fingers over the warm metal. Peridot locks her car and begins to lead Lapis to her office. Lapis follows slowly, listening as Peridot greets one of her co-workers. "Good morning Dr. Greene, I wasn't expecting to see you in today," a tall pale woman says to Peridot. Lapis remembers her from the doctor’s appointments with Jasper. ‘Pearl?’ She recalls the name. Pearl hands over some paperwork to Peridot, Peridot takes it and gracefully drops it into a box as she passes by it, the co-worker does not yet see Lapis.

“Good morning Dr. Miller, I’ll only be in for a bit today, there’s just something I need to take care of, I’d ask your assistance,” Peridot says motioning to Lapis who is not far behind, Peridot is whispering to her co-worker filling her in with details no doubt. Lapis likes this Peridot, professional and eloquent. 

“I’d be happy to help Dr.” Dr. Miller says looking back and beginning to follow Peridot as well. They reach the end of a hallway and they enter a large room with an exam table. Peridot turns back toward Lapis and her demeanor changes from very professional and serious, to entirely caring and softspoken.

“You can sit down just there,” Peridot says pointing toward the exam table, “Pearl will be taking your basic vitals, I’m gonna go change really quick, will you be alright here?” Peridot asks before stepping out, Lapis nods and goes to sit on the table, her head is pounding under the bright lights but she doesn’t want to say anything. Lapis sits down and closes her eyes, she hears Peridot whisper something to Pearl before she leaves. She hears the sound of running water, she then feels movement next to her, she opens her eyes. 

“My name is Dr. Pearl Miller, Is it alright if I check your heart rate?” Pearl says placing a stethoscope into her ears, Lapis nods sitting up straighter to provide better access. Pearl places the stethoscope under Lapis’s shirt listening closely. Her face scrunches up into one of concern, she begins scribbling something down onto a note pad. She then continues doing mundane things like checking blood pressure and temperature.

Peridot returns in scrubs and a lab coat. She washes her hands as Pearl whispers something to her, she says something about arrhythmia? Peridot acknowledges Pearl’s comment and asks her to page someone named Wilson. Peridot then comes to sit on the exam table with Lapis. Peridot holds up a pen.

“Can you follow this with your eyes?” Peridot asks as she begins moving the pen side to side and up and down. Lapis follows it with no problem. “Okay good, eye tracking is normal,” she says to Pearl putting the pen back in her pocket, she then pulls out a small penlight.

“What’s arrhythmia?” Lapis asks as Peridot checks Lapis’s pupillary response. Peridot breathes in deeply and speaks in a calming manner.

“Pearl noticed that your heart rate is very irregular, we are going to have the cardiologist have a listen after your head CT. I’m glad I made you come in today,” Peridot says standing up. 

“Pupillary response is normal Dr. Green?” Pearl asks scribbling on a clipboard,

“Yes Dr. Miller,” Peridot says, and Pearl leaves the room. Peridot helps Lapis off of the examination table, she takes her to another room with a large donut looking machine with a table coming out of it. Peridot instructs Lapis to lay on the table on her left side, Lapis isn’t afraid, but she’s not really afraid of anything. Lapis stays as still as she can while the imaging is done.

Peridot takes Lapis back to the examination room while she waits for the scan to fully develop. Dr. Garnet Wilson enters the room and greets Lapis warmly, “Hello Lapis, I’m Dr. Garnet Wilson, I bet this was not on your list of things to be doing today now was it?” Garnet asks taking her stethoscope from around her neck.

“No, it wasn’t. I hope this isn’t too serious,” Lapis says. Garnet nods as she begins to listen to Lapis’s heart. The room is silent for a few moments before Garnet clicks her tongue.

“Unfortunately it sounds serious enough for me to want to give you an EKG, can you sign this?” Garnet says holding out a clipboard, Lapis reads the form carefully before signing, It’s just a consent form. “I’ll be right back with that EKG,” Garnet says leaving the room, 

Lapis swings her legs from the exam table waiting, Peridot comes back into the room no longer wearing scrubs, she’s in her sweatpants again holding a brain scan. “Well I have Good news and I have bad news, the good news is your brain is beautiful, the bad news is, you’re stuck here until Dr. Wilson is finished with ya,” Peridot says as friendly as possible. Lapis frowns, “I’m sorry but it’s for the best, I can leave if you want me to.” Peridot says beginning to grab her things, Lapis panics, 

“Wait! Uhm… I mean, I would like you to stay, um, please.” Lapis says grabbing Peridots sleeve, Peridot blushes deeply beginning to sit down. Lapis feels her heart flutter, her heart is fluttering? The lightheadedness comes back all at once and Peridot catches her as she falls back, and Lapis absentmindedly grabs Peridot’s hand. Everything gets all fuzzy for a moment and she can’t hear. Peridot lays her down on the table, Lapis’s hand still in hers, and Garnet rushes in.

“Ms. Lazuli, can you hear me?” Garnet’s voice is muffled in her ears, Lapis feels like she’s coming out of sleep. 

“Huh?” Lapis says confused, she’s laying down now, her hand still in Peridot’s. She doesn’t mind that for some reason, it’s comforting, she holds it tighter now afraid.

“You passed out Lapis, are you okay?” Peridot asks worriedly.

“I don’t know,” Lapis answers honestly as Garnet begins sticking electrodes to Lapis’s chest. 

Garnet turns the machine on and watches as the patterned heartbeats run across the screen. Garnet and Peridot both share the same worried faces. “What is it?” Lapis asks out of breath, now just as concerned, everything gets fuzzy and she passes out once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What song do you think was playing in Peridot's car?


	9. Let The Poor Kid Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis gets some good old surgery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you have any questions about this chapter. It's a little term heavy.

The monitor on the EKG screen has stopped showing Lapis’s heart rate and is instead showing a flatline. “She’s in cardiac arrest!” Garnet calls out, and Peridot immediately hits the code button, and Garnet runs down the hall to get a gurney. 

“Someone get a damn crash cart in here!” Peridot is yelling out as she hops on top of Lapis and starts giving chest compressions, Garnet runs into the room with the gurney and a team of nurses. Peridot is still doing compressions on Lapis, as one nurse begins helping Lapis breathe using a manual resuscitator. 

“It was ventricular fibrillation!” Garnet calls to Peridot who is now cutting Lapis’s shirt open,

“I know I know I saw. Paddles!” Peridot calls out, as a sustained beep fills the room indicating a flatline. a nurse has gracefully put on a heart monitor and inserted an IV catheter amongst all the bustle, 

“IV is ready doctor!” the nurse says. 

“Push .5 of atropine!” Peridot calls hopping off of Lapis and Garnet takes over compressions.

“Ready doctor!” The nurse says after administering the drug,

“Charge to 200!” Peridot calls to the team member,

“Charged!” the nurse calls back. Everyone takes their hands off of Lapis except for Peridot.

“Clear!” Peridot says spreading gel over the paddles and placing them on the upper and lower chest pushing the buttons, the charge goes through Lapis’s body, she tenses as it happens. They watch the monitor closely, silence fills the room, nothing happens. The sustained beeping begins again. 

“Charge 300!” Garnet orders. 

“.5 of atropine!” Peridot quickly follows, 

“Clear!” Peridot says as everyone removes their hands from Lapis, she pushes the buttons sending the shock. Silence, then steady beeping fills the room. Peridot sighs in relief falling into a chair from exhaustion, the crash team leaves and Garnet begins to move Lapis onto a gurney, a nurse helps her.

“Where are you taking her?” Peridot asks as the nurse takes Lapis out of the room

“I have to operate immediately, what the EKG showed me was sustained ventricular fibrillation, her heart could stop again, I’m going to implant an ICD, you should call anyone who might want to know,” Garnet says, leaving to take Lapis to the O.R. before Peridot can get another word in.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

“Amethyst?” Peridot asks when she hears something from the other line. 

“Peridot?” Amethyst responds,

“You should come to the hospital right now, I’ll explain when you get here,” Peridot says pacing the waiting room, running her fingers through her hair. Oh, how the tables have turned. 

“Oh, uh, okay, I’m on my way should I bring anything?” Amethyst asks,

“Anything Lapis might want. Clothes, books, phone,” Peridot says finally sitting down,

“Okay, I’ll be there soon,” Amethyst says hanging up the phone. 

Peridot desperately wishes she could assist in the surgery and make sure nothing goes wrong, but she is in Garnet’s hands now. 

Amethyst comes shortly after their phonecall with a bag of Lapis’s things. Peridot describes the situation in as little words as possible, and eventually, the two are waiting together for a word from Garnet. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Garnet has inserted each lead carefully to Lapis’s heart. She is now testing the electrical current before securing them to the pectoral fascia. Steady patterned beeping fills the room as the team works in silence. “We are steady at less than 3 millivolts Doctor,” One nurse says, verifying the amount of voltage running through the implant. Garnet then attaches the lead to the implant itself. She then inserts the implant inside the surgical site, ensuring a snug fit under the skin. 

“Good. Sutures, please,” Garnet says beginning to close the inside layer of skin over the ICD. Garnet then finishes the surgery covering the incision site and scrubbing out. “Take her to recovery, I’ll be sending in the family soon,” Garnet says. She goes to give the good news to Peridot.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis wakes confused. She opens her eyes slowly, noticing the pain in her chest, it’s dark out. “Hey there Iron Man,” Amethyst says softly, sitting on a chair not far from Lapis’s bedside.

“Huh?” Lapis says reaching out.

“Hey, hey it’s okay, I’ve got you,” Amethyst says giving Lapis something to hold onto, grabbing her hand. 

“What happened?” Lapis asks hoarsely, 

“Your heart stopped. They had to put a thing in you that makes sure your heart keeps beating, for lack of better words,” Amethyst says pointing towards Lapis’s shoulder. 

“That explains why it hurts so much,” Lapis says carefully touching the hard lump in her chest. “Where’s Peridot?” Lapis asks trying not to sound too concerned, Amethyst chuckles, 

“She’s here, hardly left your side all day, I finally convinced her to eat something, I can tell her you want her to leave if you need,” Amethyst says unlocking her phone, Lapis holds out her hand to stop her.

“Wait, I uh, I don’t want you to do that,” Lapis says holding her hand out. Amethyst chuckles and puts her phone away. 

“I kinda figured. I’m sorry by the way… if I’ve been too helicoptery lately, I’m just so worried about you I suppose, I was just trying to protect you, I guess It was no use anyway,” Amethyst says looking down, defeated.

“Amethyst there’s nothing you could’ve done, I shouldn’t have left last night, I was being stupid I...” Lapis says before Amethyst cuts her off.

“I’m so glad you did leave. If it weren’t for Peridot, you would have died either way… I gotta learn CPR sometime,” Amethyst says with tears in her eyes.

“You saved me once already Amethyst, don’t you remember?” Lapis asks smiling.

“Yeah, I guess I do Iron Man,” Amethyst says wiping her eyes and sniffing. The door to the hospital room opens and Peridot walks in. 

“Hey Amethyst, I brought you some french... fries...I can leave,” Peridot says noticing that Lapis’s eyes are now open, she turns back into the door.

“No, wait! Please stay.” Lapis says as Amethyst gets up to leave.

“Yo, thanks P!” Amethyst says patting Lapis’s hand and grabbing the fries from Peridot. She leaves the room, and Peridot takes Amethyst’s place, her body tight with nervousness.

“Hey, I’m sorry I cracked your sternum,” Peridot says laughing slightly. 

“It’s okay… at least I’m not dead, right?” Lapis says opening her hand, silently asking for one to hold. Peridot complies.

“Yeah, you almost did, twice now,” Peridot says running her thumb over Lapis’s knuckles. Her face squished in her palm.

“I’m sorry about that by the way,” Lapis says, allowing her eyes to close. 

“The second time wasn’t your fault though,” Peridot says continuing to run her fingers over Lapis’s hand.

“What exactly happened?” Lapis asks opening her eyes again.

“We started the EKG and noticed you were having something called ventricular fibrillation, which is when the lower chambers of your heart are pumping rapidly and ineffectively, we had to shock it back to normal since it was sustained, Dr. Wilson thought it best to give you an Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator or an ICD for short, It tracks your heart rate and administers a shock if your heart goes back into ventricular fibrillation,” Peridot says motioning the location on her chest drawing a line up her sternum and next to the shoulder where the actual device sits. Lapis’s stomach drops in worry.

“Will I be able to surf again?” Lapis asks tracing a finger over the bandage. 

“Of course you will,” Peridot assures Lapis grabbing both of her hands, “You also shouldn’t touch that,” Lapis giggles.

“You’re probably right,” Lapis says giggling grabbing onto Peridot’s thumb. She fiddles with it for a moment before her eyes start to get heavy again. They close on their own accord, Lapis yawns. Peridot watches as Lapis falls asleep.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis spends the next 24 hours in recovery. The room is usually quiet and empty aside from the occasional nurse, Lapis is being closely monitored by a team as requested by Peridot. In fact, Peridot is the only person Lapis will allow in the room with her, aside from Amethyst. Amethyst still has to work so she’s absent most of the time, Lapis doesn’t mind that. She prefers it this way actually, it’s nice to have some time away from her, Lapis prefers to play Uno with Peridot. 

“Uno!” Lapis says grinning placing down a blue card. Peridot smiles back placing down another blue card, “and I win!” Lapis says placing down a wild card giggling. Peridot smiles as Garnet knocks on the door. 

“Alrighty I have your discharge papers here and some aftercare instructions, sign these then you’re free to go home!” Garnet says placing the papers on the table. She leaves after shaking Lapis’s hand and giving a nod toward Peridot, “Dr. Greene,” she says walking out. 

“Hey Peridot, I uh, I hate to ask this but I’m homeless at the moment, and I’ve had my share of Amethyst, would you mind if I um…” Lapis begins to ask timidly, signing the paperwork

“Stayed with me?” Peridot finishes Lapis’s question for her, “Yeah, that’d be fine,” Peridot says packing up the Uno grinning, Lapis blushes, finishing the paperwork. 

——————————————————————————————————————————- 


	10. Honey You Are Nothing To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis's first night in Peridot's house and she can't stay away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who has been reading and leaving comments, they mean so much to me!

Amethyst is very understanding when Lapis tells her she wants to move out. Peridot hires a team of movers so no one has to do any work, Lapis moves into one of the many guest rooms Peridot has in her house. Lapis chooses the one with the ocean view, “Why do you live in a house so big when you’re the only one here?” Lapis asks reading over her care Instructions again from the couch.

“I suppose I like all of the space. I spent a long time being confined to one room, my family and I shared a one-bedroom apartment growing up. It's nice to be able to move about freely,” Peridot says, opening the curtains in the living room.

“I guess that also explains the abundance of windows,” Lapis says, getting up to look out of one of them.

“Something like that,” Peridot says shoving her hands in her pockets and watching Lapis closely. Is she in a dream? Is all of this really happening? Peridot shakes her thoughts away. 

She goes to the kitchen and thinks. She has never really had guests before, so Peridot tries to think of what a good host would do, feed people. So she decides to just make some food. 

Lapis is looking at a wall of achievements when Peridot comes out with a dinner for two, Peridot sets the food down on the table and goes to stand next to Lapis. Framed certificates line the walls, “You worked hard in school huh?” Lapis asks motioning to the three degrees Peridot holds in neuroscience and surgery.

“It was necessary, I have to have these qualifications in order to be a surgeon,” Peridot says, folding her hands behind her back, smiling. “But I did work very hard,” Peridot says almost longingly. Lapis gives out a slight laugh as she picks up a picture of Peridot and her parents on graduation day. 

“You look so excited here, I mean not that you usually don’t look excited,” Lapis says, placing the picture back down.

“I know what you mean,” Peridot assures Lapis, giggling. “I spent so long trying to make something of myself, I was excited to see where the cards fell, all the hours I spent studying, all of the papers I wrote, it felt like it was all going to pay off,” Peridot says, picking up the photo.

“Did it? You know, pay off?” Lapis asks looking toward Peridot, and Peridot sets the photo back down. She turns around flicking on a light to show off a wall of pictures. Peridot is in all of them fist-bumping a patient, that’s when it all clicks for Lapis. Each photo was a successful surgery. It looked like a mural, Peridot scans all of the photos quickly before turning back around to walk away.

“You tell me,” Peridot says sticking her hands back in her pockets going back to the dining room. Lapis wants to examine each photo thoroughly but she felt the need to follow Peridot instead. She is astonished to see a full meal spread out on the table for the two of them.

“Are you also a cook or something? Jeez,” Lapis asks sitting down starstruck,

“Only in my spare time,” Peridot answers smiling and pouring a glass of water for Lapis.“So, you never told me, do you think it was worth it?” Peridot asks after a hearty silence, folding her hands under her chin. 

“More worth it than I could imagine,” Lapis says sipping her water remembering all of the photos. There’s a short pause before Lapis speaks again, “I’ve been dying to ask you, have you ever been surfing before?” Lapis asks, setting down her now empty glass. 

“I have not before no,” Peridot says shaking her head and smiling as Lapis’s face falls

“I need to take you! There is no way you can possibly get out of it,” Lapis says smiling. 

“Alright then,” Peridot says standing and collecting the dishes. She glances at the clock as she rinses the dishes in the sink placing them in the dishwasher for later. 9:00 P.M. enough time for a few card games if Lapis is up for it, “Would you be up for a card game?” Peridot asks, drying her hands, 

“Sure!” Lapis says, shifting in her chair. Peridot comes back out with the hospital Uno, Lapis smiles. “You’re just asking for an ass-kicking aren’t you,” Lapis says, grabbing the box and pulling out the cards, they both begin to shuffle. 

“Did you play this game a lot?” Peridot asks, beginning to deal the cards. 

“Not particularly, I played it with Amethyst quite a bit,” Lapis says, taking the cards in her hand, she looks at her cards and puts them in order, “You are so going down,” Lapis says grinning.

The two play until late in the evening until Lapis wants to shower. Peridot gives her towels and a washcloth. Each bedroom has it’s own bathroom, which is very convenient for Lapis. Peridot goes to bed.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot is only just dozing off when she hears her door open, there's a soft squeak, then the sound of rustling sheets as Lapis climbs in the bed in front of Peridot. Lapis feels like a small child crying to their mother after a bad dream. “Are you still awake?” Lapis’s voice fills the room with a whisper. Peridot is startled, but not afraid.

“Yes,” Peridot answers plainly, opening her eyes to see the silhouette of Lapis curled up in front of her on her king-size bed.

“Is this okay?” Lapis asks shifting slightly to get comfortable,

“Only if it’s okay with you,” Peridot says unmoving, breathing slowly. 

“Do you have dreams?” Lapis asks after a short silence.

“Sometimes,” Peridot says.

“Are they good or bad dreams?” Lapis asks twiddling her thumbs, 

“That depends,” Peridot says watching Lapis closely,

“It seems like lately, all I seem to have are bad dreams,” Lapis says, twiddling her thumbs faster now.

“What are they about?” Peridot asks, moving her hand into view for Lapis to grab on to if she wants. She doesn’t.

“Sticky ink,” Lapis pauses for a long time before speaking again. “I can’t get out of it, no matter how hard I try, it always sucks me in, then I’m gone, suffocated.” Lapis reaches for Peridot's hand now. They can both see from the bright moonlight spilling through the curtains and over all the surfaces in the room, “That’s how it felt you know, when Jasper died, It felt like I was suffocating, At Amethyst’s, at the hospital, damn even the fucking ocean feels suffocating,” Lapis says remembering the events leading up to this exact moment. Peridot relaxes her hand and allows Lapis to trace the fine lines and details over it.

“What would help you breathe?” Peridot finally asks. Lapis stops her tracing for a moment, thinking. 

“I don’t know,” Lapis says, continuing her tracing. 

“Is this helping you?” Peridot asks, resisting the urge to move Lapis’s hair out of her eyes.

“I think it might be,” Lapis says closing her eyes, slowing her movements on Peridot’s hand entirely as she falls asleep. Peridot watches closely carefully pulling her hand away when she’s certain Lapis is fully asleep. Peridot feels strange. This isn’t her place, she shouldn't be laying in the same bed as the girl whose life she ruined. The same bed of the girl she fell in love with and fell out of love with so quickly. Her eyes are getting heavier. If it’s not her place, whose place is it?

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Lapis wakes from a dreamless sleep to the smell of coffee. She sits up slowly remembering the events of last night, the pain in her chest is excruciating, she stands carefully and hobbles out of Peridot’s bedroom, “Peridot?” Lapis calls out for her confused.

“In the kitchen Lapis,” Peridot calls back, she’s been trying to busy herself to forget the events of last night. Unfortunately for her, this is not so easily done. Lapis sees Peridot and every frantic thought she had before this moment, melts away. Peridot greets Lapis with a mug,

“Hot chocolate, you can’t have coffee at the moment, but I can’t live without it so I thought this would suffice,” Peridot says handing it to Lapis. Lapis smiles and sips it as Peridot gets her coffee. Lapis frowns when Peridot sets a small Dixie cup with a few pills in it, in front of her.

“I thought all those pills were only for after surgery,” Lapis says not wanting to take them,

“They are for after surgery, forever,” Peridot says over her shoulder, chuckling. “Take the pills or you’ll get more surgery,” Peridot says picking the cup back up shaking it and placing it back down again. Lapis takes them rolling her eyes as she does it, Peridot also sets an omelet in front of Lapis, “eat that, or those pills will come back up,” Peridot says after Lapis takes the final pill. Lapis sighs then begins eating and Peridot joins her sipping her coffee and reading the paper. “Any more dreams last night?” Peridot finally asks a smile gripping her lips 

“Sorry about that, It won’t happen again,” Lapis says, gripping her mug tightly, embarrassed.

“I didn’t mind. I know you've been going through a lot lately,” Peridot says, turning another page of the paper. Lapis winces then smiles,

“Thanks, Peridot, it means more than you know,” Lapis says, finishing her omelet. Suddenly three knocks sound through the house and a British woman's voice rings around the walls 

“Good morning Dr. Greene! I got some new floor cleaner that I thought would smell nice!” Peridot freezes then rolls her eyes, 

“It’s my maid, I'm so sorry, excuse me,” Peridot says getting up. Lapis watches as she goes to the door and hands this maid a fifty dollar bill, “I don’t need my house cleaned today Aquamarine, why don’t you take the day off, could you come back tomorrow?” Peridot asks politely. The maid nods and takes the money happily.

“Thank you so much Dr. Greene!” the maid says cheerfully before leaving, Peridot closes the door softly behind her. Peridot chuckles softly walking back to the dinner table picking up the dishes

“You have a maid?” Lapis asks. 

“Yes, and a gardener, a window cleaner, and a personal assistant,” Peridot says chuckling. Lapis is astonished. “Wanna go for a walk?” Peridot asks attempting to change the subject and Lapis nods.

“I’ll um… go get ready,” Lapis says getting up.


	11. I Don't Call People Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!! Things ended up working out in my favor. Here's a chapter for you!

Lapis cleans the incision site and looks at the weird lump carefully, she really does look like Iron Man. She shakes her head before rebandaging it and throwing on a hoodie. “Ready to go?” Peridot asks grabbing her sunglasses, Lapis nods. Peridot opens the door and begins to lead Lapis into her courtyard, they walk quietly together.

“I didn’t know you had an entire staff,” Lapis says running her finger over a purple nightshade flower in Peridot’s garden.

Peridot steps forward, “I wouldn’t call them staff, they have other jobs too, and they’re only here on certain days of the week, they have lives outside here. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have to have staff, but my property is so big, I just can’t do it all myself.” Peridot says picking the flower from the ground, Lapis turns to look at her and finds herself closer to Peridot than she thought she was. 

Lapis looks up into Peridot’s eyes, she is suddenly able to breathe a little more, but that all goes away when Peridot moves Lapis’s hair out of her eyes, and carefully places the flower behind her ear, “Beautiful,” Peridot says before stepping back. Lapis blushes smiling, Peridot continues walking. They make their way towards the beach, Lapis takes her sandals off and they walk through the shoreline, Lapis holds Peridot’s arm as the cool water runs over her feet. 

“I dream about her too, about Jasper…” Lapis begins talking, Peridot listens silently. Lapis’s grip on Peridot’s arm becomes tighter. “I dream that she is still alive, but I died instead, and I had to watch all of the pain my death put her through,” Lapis says, looking down at the sand, finding a beautiful seashell, she picks it up before Peridot notices, she slips it into her hoodie pocket. “I wonder sometimes what she would think of me if she saw me now,” Lapis says running her finger across the rigid top of the seashell. 

“I think she would be proud,” Peridot says, and Lapis smiles. 

They walk through the rest of the beach and make a big loop around Peridot’s property to her house. Lapis is tired when they get back, so she goes to take a nap, which was the whole point of the walk (unbeknownst to Lapis,) Peridot wants Lapis to get a lot of rest, healing takes time, less time if you sleep, and Lapis seems to never want to sleep. 

Peridot is sitting at her desk when Lapis wakes up from her nap, Lapis roams the house trying to find her. She finally enters the office and finds Peridot hunched over paperwork. Lapis has tied a piece of cord around the seashell she picked up earlier, making a necklace. Lapis quickly ties it around Peridot’s neck, Peridot gasps in surprise covering what she was working on, then looking down at the shell. “I hope you like it,” Lapis says putting her hands on Peridot’s shoulders and Peridot’s computer screen goes black, Peridot is met with her own reflection adorned with her new jewelry, Peridot smiles.

“I love it,” she says looking up at Lapis setting her pen down.

“Think of it as a thank you present, I saw it walking on the beach today and thought of you,” Lapis says blushing.

“It’s beautiful, thank you Lapis,” Peridot says turning around. Peridot then does something she hasn’t done in a long time, she hugs Lapis, carefully of course, mindful of her incision site. Lapis surprisingly hugs her back tighter starting to cry. Peridot helps her down to her knees so that they are both on the floor, Lapis is now wailing in Peridots arms, Peridot helps her through it, stroking her hair and rocking her back and forth, sometimes things like physical touch can trigger an emotional response. Peridot remembers this from a psychology class she took ages ago. Lapis finally calms down enough to speak. 

“I’m sorry,” Lapis says wiping her nose on her sleeve and sniffing.

“You don’t have to be sorry, It’s alright,” Peridot says wiping the rest of the tears out of Lapis’s eyes.

“No one has hugged me since… since…,” Lapis says trailing off

“Since Jasper?” Peridot says finishing the thought. Lapis nods beginning to cry more,

“It’s alright, I’m here,” Peridot says holding Lapis closer. Lapis closes her eyes, wishing her thoughts and memories away. Peridot decides to pick her up and take her to the living room. Peridot is on the couch playing with Lapis’s hair when Lapis finally comes out of her episode, her head on Peridot’s lap, a cartoon playing on the TV. 

“Thank you, I feel better now,” Lapis says sitting up. 

“are you hungry? Peridot asks standing, Lapis nods before she can say no. Peridot goes to whip something up, quickly coming back to the living room with two water bottles and two bowls of rice and veggies. “Here you are,” Peridot says handing her a bowl. 

“Thank you,” Lapis says taking the bowl gratefully. Peridot puts The Office on while they eat,

“I didn’t know you liked this show,” Lapis says taking a bite then sipping some water.

“I use it mostly for background noise when I’m stressed,” Peridot says after swallowing. 

“Are you stressed now?” Lapis asks intrigued. Peridot smiles, 

“Not with you around,” Peridot says reaching down to touch her new seashell necklace, She watches as Lapis gets sucked up into the show. 

Lapis’s eyes are getting heavier and heavier, this tiredness is rushed along by the food, as well as her favorite show. Peridot notices her nodding off and helps her to lay down. She covers her in a blanket and goes to finish her paperwork.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot wakes the next morning at her desk, ‘I must’ve fallen asleep doing paperwork last night’ she thinks to herself, getting up. She goes into the living room to find Lapis still sound asleep on the couch in the grey morning light. It’s raining, Peridot can tell by the way the drops make shadows on her hardwood floors from the skylights. Peridot decides now is a good time to inspect Lapis’s Incision site, at Garnet’s request of course. Peridot kneels in front of Lapis, she wakes slightly. “Hm?” she sounds aloud squinting her eyes open.

“It’s alright, I’m just going to check your incision, Is that okay?” Peridot whispers, Lapis nods starting to unbutton her shirt slightly, Peridot puts on gloves in the other room to mask some of the noise. She comes back out to Lapis still dozing. She carefully removes the bandage, she checks for any signs of infection, tears, bleeding, or missing stitches. Seeing none, she carefully rebandages it and buttons Lapis’s shirt back up. Lapis is kind of awake when Peridot finishes, so Peridot sits on the floor next to her with her back up against the couch in case Lapis wants to talk, otherwise, she just wants to watch the rain fall onto the windows. This time it's Lapis resisting the urge to touch Peridot, her hand comes forward anyway. Lapis runs her finger along the thin cord around Peridot’s neck. She’s happy that Peridot likes the necklace, 

“You know, I’ve been wondering… you barely know me. Why did you agree to take me in so freely, did you not wonder if I was some kind of ax murderer or something?” Lapis asks still dragging her finger over the black cord. 

“I just felt like I could trust you,” Peridot says only half lying. 

“There’s gotta be more to it than that,” Lapis says hearing Peridot’s pitch raise defensively, and now she’s all too curious, but Peridot stays silent watching as the rain begins to pour down harder.

“I’m going to go shower, do you want anything?” Peridot asks standing up, not wanting to discuss this unspoken thing she has. Lapis yawns, 

“no, I’m fine here,” Lapis says closing her eyes.

“Alright,” Peridot says adjusting Lapis’s blanket before walking off.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot spends a long time in the shower just thinking, Aquamarine is supposed to come to the house to clean it today, “great,” Peridot mutters to herself. She’s gotta get Lapis out of the house, it’s still raining so there isn’t much to do. Peridot sighs and turns off the water, she stares in the mirror for a long time, wondering if it’s even worth it to say anything about this unspoken thing, she makes the decision that Lapis will have to speak about it first.

Peridot comes back out to the living room dressed in jeans and a black plaid shirt, Lapis is dressed and eating a bowl of cereal she must’ve found in the kitchen. Peridot giggles and gets some for herself, making a mental list of things she needs to pick up at the store. “Did you take your pills?” Peridot asks getting her cereal.

“I did I promise,” Lapis says holding up the now-empty dixie cup Peridot got for her the previous night. They both sit in a comfortable silence eating and watching a show.

“Wanna go for a drive?” Peridot asks after clearing the dishes and grabbing the key to her Jeep. Lapis smiles, 

“Sure,” Lapis says standing up. 

Peridot is pulling out of her driveway just as Aquamarine pulls into it. Peridot sighs in relief. “Why do you always seem so stressed whenever your maid comes?” Lapis asks tracing the trail of a raindrop down the window. Peridot grips the steering wheel tightly before speaking. 

“She can be a handful sometimes, quite nosy,” Peridot says trying to relax some. 

“Hardly a reason to be so stressed,” Lapis says probing, and Peridot sighs.

“I had a thing with her once, hardly serious to me, but she really took it seriously,” Peridot says wincing. “I broke it off when she started going through my things. Patient records, financial papers,” Peridot says uncomfortably. 

“Sounds like quite the predicament, “ Lapis says still looking out of the window.

“You have no idea, If she saw you with me, I don’t even want to think about how she would react,” Peridot says pulling into the grocery store parking lot. 

“You know it would make your life so much easier if you just fired her,” Lapis says placing a hand on Peridot’s forearm as she parks the car. Peridot shivers at the touch. 

“That’s also more complicated than it seems, She has blackmail, to make a fucking long story short,” Peridot says gripping the steering wheel again closing her eyes tightly. 

“What kind of blackmail?” Lapis asks, brushing her fingers over Peridot’s jawline. She pulls it toward her, forcing Peridot to look at her, Peridot swallows nervously preparing to speak, she opens her mouth but no words come out, this wasn’t supposed to happen, not now. She opens her car door and leaves instead.


	12. I Wanna Know Your Passwords

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for bearing with me through this crazy time! Enjoy

Peridot leaves her car before saying anything. They shop with minimal words shared between them. Lapis does not push this, she knows it will come out when the time is right. Peridot still does not speak even when they arrive home. 

The house is in immaculate condition, almost eerily so. Peridot puts the groceries away in silence, she finally speaks after they sit down. “I want to preface this with the fact that I am human, and I can make mistakes too.” Peridot begins rubbing her palms together slowly. “I used to fight, as a kid, never anything serious but that eventually gave way to boxing. I used to box competitively in high school, It was an outlet. Something I did to blow off frustration, it became something more, it’s what got me through college until… “ Peridot pauses looking out the window, lightning flashes.

“I killed someone. For whatever reason, the blow to my opponents face hit just right, their helmet came off as they fell. Their head hit the floor of the ring just right, and a blood vessel in their brain blew, they bled out in seconds. It was an accident, and it’s what made me pick neurosurgery. I was never charged or anything, and no one knows about this except for Dr. Garnet Wilson, and now you. Aquamarine found out as a result of snooping through old newspapers I had, she said that if I break up with her she will bring the article to the chief of surgery at Gemstone Coast, she said she would get me fired, and I’m terrified Lapis. I think she would actually do it, she’s fucked up like that,” Peridot finishes the story with her head in her palms. “I never meant to hurt anyone, you must think I’m some sort of monster,” Peridot says crying now. Lapis scooches closer to her, wrapping an arm around her and hugging tightly.

“I don’t think you’re a monster Peridot,” Lapis says, trying to comfort her host turned friend. Peridot sits up after a while, 

“Thank you, I haven’t talked about this in years,” Peridot says, breathing in deeply and wiping her face.

“I think this Aquamarine person got into your head a little bit too deep,” Lapis says, pulling Peridot’s face so that their eyes meet. “I don’t think that after everything, all those pictures on the wall, and after all your hard work, that someone would fire you for a mistake you made years ago,” Lapis says wiping a falling tear from Peridot’s cheek. 

“You’re probably right,” Peridot says after fully composing herself, and it is as if fate is in Peridot’s favor because just as Peridot stands, Aquamarine walks in.

“Hello, my dear Peridot! I forgot my… cell phone… Peri, who is on the couch?” the British woman says opening the door. Peridot finds the phone on the dining room table. Peridot hands it to Aquamarine, Peridot breathes in deeply before speaking. 

“Aquamarine, I am no longer in need of your services, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave and never come back,” Peridot says stern and professional. Aquamarine gasps half in confusion, half in astonishment. “Aqua, I’m not going to repeat myself. Please take your things and go,” Peridot says, begging this time. 

Aquamarine angrily throws some of her things in trash bags, mumbling the words, “You’ll pay for this,” to herself before slamming the front door closed. Peridot and Lapis laugh out loud before Peridot sighs in relief, 

“I never thought I would be able to do that. Thanks for your help,” Peridot says falling onto the couch.

“It’s the least I could do,” Lapis says, winking. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

The rest of the day goes on uneventfully. Peridot gets called in for an emergency car accident, all neurosurgeons had to be on deck, so Peridot hesitantly leaves Lapis alone.

“I promise I won’t go anywhere, I also promise not to go through your stuff, I know who to call if I need anything, good luck!” Lapis says as Peridot gets into her car, they both wave goodbye.

Lapis is left alone again and isn’t quite sure what to do, so she turns the TV on and tries to go to sleep. A part of her seems to be missing, but that part of her is not Jasper or surfing, it’s something or maybe someone else? Lapis shakes the thoughts away and walks around the house instead. 

This house is so big it seems that no matter where you turn, you’ll always find yourself somewhere new. Lapis finds herself in Peridot’s gym, a full set of equipment fills the room and Lapis sees the punching bag, she touches it carefully. It’s heavy and seems worn, Lapis wonders how long Peridot has had it. That’s when she notices it, its a locked display case of boxing medals, trophies, and belts. Lapis looks at them for a long time before finally deciding to leave. These awards seem to be hidden from all sight in the house. This saddens Lapis and it takes great self-control not to display them with the rest of Peridot’s achievements, she sighs before leaving the room, turning the light off behind her.

Lapis tours the rest of the house mapping out where everything is for her own benefit. She eventually finds her way back to Peridot’s bedroom. She hesitantly goes to sit in front of the fireplace. She turns it on as the rain falls harder outside. Lightning strikes distantly, the thunder follows suit, steady and strong, like Peridot. She remembers the events of the night Peridot found her. Naked and vulnerable in her arms. Not just physically naked, but mentally naked too. Lapis remembers the feel of her strong arms against her body. The soft tug of the calloused fingertips against her skin. The warm glow of the fire, Peridot’s hands undressing her out of survival. Lapis closes her eyes and remembers her heat, the way she willingly trusted and fell into Peridot’s grasp. Her eyes droop shut, she hopes that everything is okay at the hospital. 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot has sweat gathering above her brow as she works on yet another hopeless patient, and after the day she’s had, she’s not taking it well. This car accident has been fatal already, two people declared dead on the scene, and two others declared brain dead. Peridot is trying to stop a brain bleed on a female patient, Jane Doe, for the time being, her head has been crushed between the seat and the door of the car, the skull seems to be in pieces, Peridot is letting Pearl lead this predicament, it’s not every day that something like this happens, no matter how tragic, it is still a good learning experience, an experience that all surgeons must be a part of someday. The patient flatlines and Pearl begins attempting to resuscitate, the minutes go by. It’s Peridot who finally has to tell Pearl that it’s been past 10 minutes, “You have to call it Dr. Miller,” Peridot says, grabbing her colleague’s shoulder. Pearl puts her head down.

“Time of death, 21:45,” Pearl says loudly.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

It’s past midnight by the time Peridot returns, she looks into Lapis’s room and finds it to be empty, she goes into her bedroom to find Lapis asleep on the floor sitting up against her bed, the orange glow from the fire dances across her face. Peridot kneels down in front of Lapis starting to pick her up. She then wakes, “Sorry, Peridot, I’ll leave. I was just remembering,” Lapis says sleepily, still being lifted by Peridot’s arms. 

“What were you remembering?” Peridot asks setting Lapis down so that she is on her bed and not the floor. 

“You,” Lapis says plainly, trailing a finger up and down Peridot’s sternum. “Can I stay?” Lapis asks timidly, looking at her toes. 

“If you want to,” Peridot says stretching, but Lapis is already curled up falling back asleep as soon as she hears something that’s not a no. Peridot chuckles then goes to change out of her scrubs. When Peridot returns, Lapis is still awake, Peridot dims the lights and lays down. Lapis inches closer to Peridot, she doesn’t know why, but she needs her, at least for right now. Peridot hesitantly drapes an arm around her, after not hearing or feeling any protest, Peridot pulls her close. A slight ‘eep’ escapes Lapis’s lips at the movement but she quickly relaxes when she feels Peridots body against hers.

“How was the hospital?” Lapis asks, melting into Peridot’s touch.

“Sad,” Is all that Peridot can manage, not wanting to go into detail.

“I’m sorry,” Lapis says running her fingertips up and down Peridot’s arm.

“It’s alright,” Peridot says closing her eyes, wondering if this was all just a dream, that empty feeling Lapis had from before goes away and she sinks into a restful dreamless sleep.

—————————————————————————————————————————— 

Peridot wakes just the same as she fell asleep, an arm around Lapis’s waist, her chest pressed snugly against Lapis’s back, Peridot gently pulls away and rolls over onto her back to stare at the ceiling, “What the fuck are you doing Peridot,” Peridot whispers to herself. Her thoughts begin to consume her. ‘Cutting things off with Aquamarine is going to put me in a world of hurt, so why am I even going to try with Lapis? I killed her girlfriend, after all. I basically ruined her life so what’s the point?’ Peridot is pulled out of her thoughts when Lapis places her head on Peridot’s chest. Peridot’s breath hitches when she hears Lapis speak, 

“What is this Peridot? What are we doing? Are we friends? What are we? It’s been eating me alive, we spend every hour together and when you’re gone, I can hardly stand it,” Lapis says as Peridot’s hand goes to rub Lapis’s shoulder. Peridot spends a moment just breathing before finally speaking. 

“Friends would just sleep in another bed Lapis,” Peridot says, she was not expecting this conversation to happen right now, but she isn’t upset about it. Lapis begins to play with a loose thread on Peridot’s shirt, Lapis is quiet, she doesn’t know what to say exactly, so she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she sits up and rubs her eyes, before going back to her room. Peridot is silent as she does this. 

Peridot sits up after Lapis leaves. She fears she said something wrong and follows her, “Lapis I didn’t mean leave!” Peridot says knocking on the door. Lapis opens it and immediately falls into Peridot’s arms, connecting her lips with Peridot’s. Peridot is surprised at first but she does not fight it, melting into the kiss as if it were her sole purpose in life, Lapis is so, so, afraid, she feels as though she’s still Jasper’s and that this thing she is having for Peridot is wrong, she doesn’t care, she hasn’t stopped thinking about this. Lapis breaks the kiss still deep in thought, their eyes remain closed as Lapis thinks. Jasper is gone and nothing can bring her back, Jasper would want her to move on, Jasper would want her to fall in love again, she said that herself. She kisses Peridot again, harder, faster and more desperately, Peridot’s hand comes to the side of Lapis’s face slowing the kiss down, before breaking away, “I meant that we aren’t just friends Lapis,” Peridot says holding Lapis’s face in her hands. Lapis is crying now, 

“I’m afraid Peridot,” Lapis says placing her hands on Peridot’s waist.

“I know, I am too,” Peridot says, wiping Lapis’s tears away. She grabs Lapis’s chin and runs her thumb over Lapis’s bottom lip before kissing her again, it’s slower this time, gentler, meaningful.

“Say it’s going to be okay,” Lapis says after breaking away, she hugs Peridot close. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Peridot recites running her fingers up and down Lapis’s back soothingly, “Everything will be okay,” Peridot promises aloud.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if some future chapters are delayed, I'll try to update as frequently as humanly possible, thanks for reading!


	13. I Love You For A Millisecond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some domestic lapidot fluff. kinda a filler chapter, there are some sensual things but not really any details. Enjoy!

It’s been several weeks since the first kiss, and many kisses have followed, Peridot has returned to full-time work, and even though Lapis is still adjusting, she picks up a shift or two at the coffee shop, Lapis is going to get her stitches removed today, and Peridot is going with her.

“You ready?” Peridot asks parking what has become Lapis’s favorite car, the Rolls Royce.

“So ready, I can't wait to get back to surfing, I know I have to wait a few more weeks, but it's still one step closer right?" Lapis says excitedly, Peridot smiles.

"Of course love, come on let's get you in there, don't want you spontaneously combusting now," Peridot says turning the car off. Lapis giggles opening the door.

Garnet slowly takes the stitches out of Lapis’s chest, it doesn’t hurt, it just feels like pulling to Lapis, but Peridot is holding her hand anyway, Garnet smiles at the gesture, she gives Lapis a sheet of instructions to help minimize scarring, the two leave and make an appointment six months in advance to have the battery in the ICD tested.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot is cleaning in the kitchen when Lapis begins to play music. It goes from a very upbeat song to a slower song, almost made to slow dance to. Lapis comes up behind Peridot and wraps her arms around her gently swaying to the music, 

“Come dance with me,” Lapis asks softly pulling at Peridot’s hips.

“I can’t right now honey,” Peridot says setting a rag on the counter, Lapis throws the rag back in the sink, 

“please? I love this song,” Lapis begs. Peridot smiles before sighing.

“Oh alright,” Peridot says turning around and pulling Lapis’s arms around her neck. It wasn’t so much of a dance as it was a swaying hug, Lapis loves it anyway, placing little kisses on Peridot’s neck as the song fades out. Peridot giggles, pulling away as the song ends, she gives Lapis a chaste kiss on the lips, “Now go on, I’ll be done in a minute,” Peridot says giving Lapis a pat on the butt, Lapis gasps in surprise sticking her tongue out at Peridot before leaving the kitchen. Peridot smirks going back to the sink to begin wiping the counters. 

“You promised we’d watch a movie!” Lapis calls from the living room picking a disc from the entertainment center.

“Did I?” Peridot asks back teasingly, hanging the rag from the faucet and walking out to the living room.

“Peri! You did!” Lapis says now whining, putting the DVD in the player. Peridot falls onto the couch, remote in hand. Lapis scrambles up to join her from the floor. She curls up in Peridot’s arms as the movie begins to play.

The movie is only halfway over when Lapis becomes restless, she begins kissing Peridot’s neck softly, Peridot shifts under the delicate touch but Lapis does not stop, her kisses become harder, lightly biting the skin, Peridot sighs softly, running her hand up and down Lapis’s thigh. “Lapis what’re you doing?” Peridot says biting a moan back. Lapis smiles and trails her kisses up Peridot’s jawline then finally kissing her lips. 

“Can’t a woman kiss her girlfriend?” Lapis says in a sultry voice, climbing onto Peridot’s lap,

“Uh, uh-huh, mph,” Peridot wordlessly responds as their lips connect again. 

“Bed, now,” Lapis whispers into Peridot’s ear after kissing her a moment, Lapis’s hand tangled in Peridot’s hair. Peridot quickly obeys, standing and picking Lapis up by her legs, Lapis hooks her ankles behind Peridot and continues to kiss her. Lapis is unbuttoning Peridot’s shirt, Peridot shakes it off. It falls to the middle of the floor, Peridot begins working on Lapis’s shirt. Peridot unbuttons the first few buttons before giving up and just ripping it off, the buttons fly in all directions. Lapis gasps, half in surprise at Peridot’s action, the other half from the shiver the cold air brings to her. 

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Peridot says kissing her again. Lapis laughs behind the kiss. Peridot stumbles into the bedroom, Lapis still in her arms, she falls onto the bed, kicking the door shut behind her. 

Lapis traces circles over Peridot’s collarbones in the firelight, basking in the afterglow. Lapis’s head is tucked snugly on Peridot’s chest, Peridot is still panting. They’re both sweaty and tired, they fall asleep surrounded by each other’s love, even if they haven’t admitted it yet 

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot is up early working out when Lapis comes into the gym dressed in one of Peridot’s shirts as pajamas. She sits on the bench and watches Peridot, oh how lucky she is. She watches Peridot’s muscles flex underneath her tight fitted tank top, it almost seems like she could rip it open just by flexing if she wanted to, her sweat is pooling at her neck in little droplets, dark purple bruises cover her shoulders. Lapis bites her lip, remembering last night. Peridot hasn’t noticed Lapis yet so she takes a minute-long break, walking around the punching bag before going back to practicing. Lapis sits quietly watching until Peridot finally notices, turning her head to look at the presence she feels, “Aah! When did you get in here, you’re like a ninja!” Peridot says taking her boxing gloves off and throwing them aside

“Don’t you dare hug me, you’re all sweaty,” Lapis says trying to get away as Peridot grabs her for a hug giggling. 

“You didn’t seem to care last night and I have the bruises to show for it!” Peridot says picking Lapis up to give her a big sweaty hug.

“Great, now I have to shower,” Lapis says play fighting,

“Why don’t we save some water?” Peridot says putting Lapis back down, lifting the hem of Lapis’s Pajama shirt slightly.

“So eager,” Lapis says grinning starting to walk to the bathroom.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

“Today’s the day!” Peridot says opening the curtains in their bedroom. Lapis has finally been cleared to surf this week, so Peridot took it upon herself to throw a party and celebrate, inviting Amethyst Pearl and Garnet. Lapis springs out of bed and immediately goes to get ready.

“Can’t we just go now?” Lapis asks whining as Peridot is putting food and drinks into a cooler.

“We will go in like thirty minutes, you’ve waited this long, what’s another half hour?” Peridot asks picking up her ringing phone.

“An eternity!” Lapis says collapsing defeated, onto the couch.

“You’ll be fine!” Peridot says swiping to answer the call, “hello?” Peridot says in a questioning tone, she didn’t really look at who was calling. 

“Hi, Peridot!” Pearl’s voice rings in her ear,

“Hey Pearl, what’s up?” Peridot asks nestling the phone between her shoulder and her chin continuing to pack, 

“Would it be alright if I brought Bismuth with me? She likes to surf too,” Pearl says and Peridot can almost hear the blushing through the phone. Peridot places the phone down onto her chest to muffle the sound

“Honey is it okay if Pearl brings her girlfriend? She surfs too.” Peridot asks Lapis before affirming the obvious. 

“Yeah that will be great, the more the merrier!” Lapis says with her face pushed up against the window, Peridot giggles, she really is like a puppy sometimes.

“That will be fine Pearl, see you soon,” Peridot says hanging up the phone.

Lapis is running her fingers over Jasper’s orange and white surfboard when Peridot comes to stand next to her placing her hand on Lapis’s back. “I wonder if she’s watching,” Lapis whispers to herself as her eyes well with tears. Peridot thinks for a moment.

“We could take it with us, so she can come too,” Peridot offers, 

“You’d do that for me?” Lapis asks starstruck.

“Of course,” Peridot says grabbing the board going to load it into her car. 

“I love you,” Lapis says almost too soft for Peridot to hear,

“Huh?” Peridot says freezing in her place,

“I said I love you,” Lapis says a little louder this time. Peridot puts the surfboard into the car then comes back to hug Lapis tightly. Peridot twirls her around before kissing her, Peridot’s heart is full of happiness. 

“I love you too,” Peridot says after pulling away.

——————————————————————————————————————————- 

Pearl, Peridot, Amethyst, and Garnet are all sitting on a blanket playing cards and discussing work when Lapis and Bismuth grab their girlfriends causing the cards to fly everywhere. “Bismuth put me down!” Pearl demands as Garnet and Amethyst laugh, but Pearl is already on the surfboard when she says that, Peridot gives no protest and goes willingly. Lapis teaches Peridot to stand on the board and eventually has her paddling in the water. Peridot watches as Lapis catches a decent sized wave, her hand runs through the water, cutting it and creating a spray before she goes into the tube. Peridot looks over at the orange and white surfboard sticking up in the sand as the sun sets.

“She must be watching, and she must be proud,” Peridot says to herself before going back to shore. She’s had enough surfing practice today, meanwhile, Bismuth and Pearl are Playing in the sand giggling and distracted. 

“Yo P, catch any waves?” Amethyst teases Peridot as she returns to the blanket,

“More than you have apparently,” Peridot says, teasing Amethyst about the flirting she’s obviously been doing with Garnet. They both blush and Amethyst goes off to join Lapis in the waves. 

“You’ve been busy lately,” Garnet says after composing herself. 

“Falling in love I suppose,” Peridot says digging her toes into the soft sand, looking up at the two surfing girls.

“We both have,” Garnet says joining her and burying her toes into the soft yellow ground handing Peridot a white claw from the cooler. Peridot cracks it open, she sips it smiling.

“I’m happy for you,” Peridot says as Amethyst greets Lapis as she returns from the ocean, they share a high five and laugh. “When did you meet Amethyst?” Peridot asks still watching as the two paddle back out. 

“Right after I operated on Lapis, we met in the cafeteria,” Garnet says blushing and opening her own drink.

“Oh yeah, sometimes I forget that Amethyst was there too,” Peridot says as Amethyst takes on a wave.

“They both have been through so much,” Garnet says sipping her drink. Peridot glances back at Jasper’s surfboard. 

“They have,” Peridot says, taking another sip of her drink, watching the sun sink into the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what song do you think they slow danced to?


	14. Weird Cut Bangs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unexpected visitors

Peridot is finally getting the hang of surfing, she goes when she can but the summer weather has an influx of head injuries alongside it. Peridot is coming home after a nearly 26-hour long shift, Lapis has taken the liberty of drawing a bath for Peridot. Rose petals and candles adorn the bathroom, “Awe well aren’t you the sweetest girlfriend in the whole world?” Peridot says dropping her work bag on the ground.

“Mm, I try,” Lapis says wrapping her arms around Peridot’s waist hugging her tightly before taking her scrub shirt and bra off. Lapis runs her fingernails down Peridot’s back, Peridot rolls her head stretching her neck at the touch, kicking her scrub bottoms off. Peridot sinks into the warm water sighing in relief as the water relaxes her tired and cramping muscles. “How are your hands?” Lapis asks joining her in the tub sitting behind Peridot so that Peridot can relax into her girlfriend’s arms.

“Cramped,” Peridot says, bringing her right hand out of the tub opening and closing it, trying to sort it out herself. Lapis grabs it instead, massaging the tiny muscles in Peridot’s fingers and wrists. Peridot is exhausted and this bath is making her want to curl up into herself and fall asleep forever. Instead, she just sinks deeper into the water closing her eyes, and trusting that Lapis wouldn’t let her drown. 

Peridot wakes when Lapis sits up, “Come on you, let’s get you to bed,” Lapis whispers rubbing Peridot’s arm. Sleepily Peridot towels off and climbs into bed and is asleep the second her head hits the pillow. 

Lapis wakes the next morning before Peridot, this doesn't happen very often so Lapis decides to make the most of it and spoil her girl. She starts by going to the kitchen and making some breakfast so that Peridot actually eats a good meal and not snacks like she usually does when she works long shifts like that. Peridot is only just waking up when Lapis comes in with the tray. “Hi, I brought you breakfast!” Lapis says as Peridot sits up.

“Awe I feel so special!” Peridot says sitting up and rubbing her eyes before beginning to eat. Lapis has her own plate to enjoy, the two eat their meals in silence,

“Wanna go surfing today?” Peridot asks Lapis scooping up the last of her egg onto a piece of toast. 

“We don’t have to, you seem, tired baby,” Lapis says, moving Peridot’s hair behind her ear.

‘Will you cut my hair?” Peridot’s voice is soft and shy,

“I don’t know how to cut hair,” Lapis says matter-of-factly. 

“Please? I’ll teach you.” Peridot says standing.

“Oh alright, but if I fuck it up it’s your fault,” Lapis says beginning to follow her to the bathroom.

“You’re not going to fuck it up, just buzz up the sides and trim the top!” Peridot says pulling the clippers out of a drawer and handing Lapis her phone with a picture of the hairstyle Peridot wants on it, 

“Wait, this is different from your normal hairstyle babe, are you sure you want it so different?” Lapis asks as Peridot hands her the clippers.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Peridot says sitting down and wrapping a towel around her neck. Lapis starts slowly, cutting the hair on the sides of Peridot’s head short with scissors before beginning to buzz it off, it actually doesn’t look bad. Lapis continues, counting every careful movement, clumps of blonde hair fall to the floor as the constant drone of the clippers bounce off the walls. It’s a much cleaner and shorter look than what Lapis is used to. Peridot turns around and smiles wide at her own reflection, “This is perfect, thank you,” Peridot says turning and kissing Lapis again, there’s a knock on the door. “I’ll get it, love,” Peridot says, squeezing past Lapis, Peridot unlocks the door then opens it, and is left with a sight she did not expect to see. Two uniformed police officers looking at her sternly, she hesitates before speaking, “Hello officers how can I help you today?” Peridot says trying not to let her voice shake, 

“Miss Peridot Greene? We are gonna have to ask you to come with us,” one officer asks. The officers look at each other before looking back at Peridot.

“Uh sure, let me just change my clothes. Peridot closes the door before locking it again and turning so her back was against the door. She is breathing heavily and quickly. Lapis comes out of the bathroom wiping her hands. 

“Baby? What’s going on?” Lapis asks, suddenly very concerned after seeing the look on Peridot’s face. The cops begin to bang on the door.

“We don’t have all day Ms. Greene,” one cop shouts outside the door. Peridot grabs a hoodie and pulls it over her head wordlessly, Lapis is suddenly panicking. “Baby?” Lapis asks again as Peridot quickly walks through the house grabbing random things. 

“This is my account number, you might have to bail me out, cops around here don’t screw around,” Peridot finally speaks, writing something down onto a piece of scrap paper. She gets up and hands it to Lapis.

“Baby what the fuck is going on?” Lapis asks taking the paper, but Peridot is gone before Lapis can get an answer. She watches helplessly as Peridot gets into the cop car, they drive away.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Peridot sits silently in the interrogation room, drumming her fingers on the table. Her neck is itchy still from the shards of hair digging into her skin, she tries to brush it off, but the sweat gathering around her neck is making that difficult, she’s already called her lawyer. She’s only answered the basic questions, her leg bounces up and down as the blood thrums through her ears, her heart races. Her head shoots up as the doorknob turns, her lawyer finally comes in, papers in hand. “This is quite the mess,” Zircon says sitting down next to her, “You’re being sued and charged with first-degree murder,” she’s looking over all of her papers. Peridot sighs knowing exactly who was suing her. “Aquamarine really has it out for you, the murder charge is easily avoided, I have signed waivers from… well from...”

“Sadie Miller,” Peridot says finishing Zircons statement cringing, tears prick her eyes at the name, Peridot is beginning to go numb, she wants to disappear, crawl into the floor and just forget. 

“It’s going to be alright,” Zircon says, trying to be comforting. Peridot shakes her head not wanting to acknowledge it. Instead, Peridot tells her lawyer what she told the police, luckily nothing integral. The detective walks in. 

“Good afternoon, Miss Greene,” the detective says sitting across from Peridot. 

“That's Doctor Greene to you,” Peridot says formally, she worked hard for that title, so she is going to use it. 

“Dr. Green then,” the detective says, opening a file, Zircon winks at Peridot smiling slightly, remembering her fiery personality. “You’re in quite a pickle here,” the detective says, pulling out old photos from Peridot’s boxing career laying them on the table. “You obviously have a history of violence,”

“It’s a sport,” Peridot says bitterly, shifting in her chair to look at the photos. “You know, like football or basketball you insolent little-” Zircons hand goes to Peridot’s knee, as an unspoken warning that she should probably stop talking. The detective's face hardens into one of anger, but then turns to one of curiosity.

“Why don’t we just make this short and sweet? Did you kill Sadie miller?” the detective asks, bluntly and smirking creepily.

“Don't answer that,” Zircon says sharply through her teeth, tightening her grip on Peridot’s knee. Peridot flinches even though she knows her lawyer’s anger is directed toward the detective, not her.

“Come now, I’m only trying to clarify the situation,” the detective begins, folding his arms and leaning back into the chair. Zircon, although flustered, gathers her thoughts and her professionalism comes back to the surface.

“This is a list of boxing deaths and waivers, clearly you can see Sadie Miller’s signature on this official waiver. No charges can be pressed upon this, I don’t know why anyone would try.” Zircon says as she pulls the papers out of her folder. She pinches the bridge of her nose, Peridot sighs softly in relief, Zircon is one of the best lawyers in the state. The detective looks over the waiver carefully, comparing it to other copies of Sadies handwriting, Peridot’s head is buzzing, everything is beginning to turn fuzzy and Peridot starts to panic slightly, she hears Zircon’s voice again, pulling her out of the beginning panic attack. “Is my client free to go?” Zircon asks, the detective groans and hands the papers back over. 

Zircon gives Peridot a nod, and Peridot gets up faster than she intended, so she walks out the door slower, so as to not seem suspicious. Peridot immediately goes to the payphone, with shaking hands she places two quarters into the slot and dials her home phone number, not even a full ring goes through before she hears Lapis’s voice on the other line.

“Hello?”

“Baby it’s me,” Peridot says calmly, Lapis almost cries in relief.

“What the fuck is going on?” Lapis asks after finally composing herself, 

“It’s a lot to explain, I need a ride, come get me?” Peridot asks rubbing the back of her neck, leaning in close to the dial pad of the payphone clearly hinting she cant talk here, thankfully Lapis understands.

“I’m on my way,” Lapis begins to hang up the phone, but Peridot’s voice sounds through the speaker one more time. 

“Lapis?”

“Yeah?”

“No flashy car. Bring the Subaru or something,”

“Okay,” Lapis hangs up the phone, Peridot goes to a bench and sits, the detective comes up behind Peridot and whispers creepily in her ear, 

“This isn’t over yet,” the detective is gone just as fast as he came up. Zircon is right behind him, 

“Don't worry about him, everything will be fine,” Zircon says handing Peridot a cup of coffee. Peridot takes it gratefully, shuddering, still feeling the ghost of the detective’s breath in her ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your patience. getting the ball rolling again!


	15. Authors note

this fic will be on hiatus until further notice, some things have come up and I'm asking for your patience, thank you!


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